Scars and Souvenirs
by SWChika
Summary: A Jolex introspective. Just my thoughts about what their relationship might look like after the finale. Rated T for mild language, references to past abuse (including child abuse) and sexual innuendo.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Notes:** this is my first attempt at fanfiction, so be warned the road may be a bit bumpy at times. I am shipping Alex & Jo so much and was getting frustrated that I couldn't find more Jolex stories so I decided to write one. This is just my thoughts about how their relationship might look after that awesome finale kiss. I welcome constructive criticism but please be kind!

Just FYI, this story is told in 3rd person limited to Jo. I find her absolutely fascinating and I am so excited about the possibilities for her character. At times this will go into her past and may be dark at times. You've been warned.

Also, Alex is my absolute favorite character and has been since day one. He's a softie in this story. I realize it's a little out of character, but I feel he is a big sweetie when he's in love. So that's the Alex I'm showing.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Grey's Anatomy, ABC, the characters, writers, actors, set designers, etc, etc, etc and I seriously doubt I ever will.

**Rating:** T for mild language, references to past abuse (including child abuse) and sexual innuendo.

Hope you all enjoy!

Jo was thoroughly enjoying the feel of Alex's arms encircling her as his multitalented mouth explored her own. Damn he was a good kisser. Much better than even hospital gossip had built him up to be. Jo quickly decided that she never wanted him to stop kissing her. As his hands roamed her back while simultaneously holding her upright as close to his body as physically possible, she felt safer than she had in her entire life. It almost scared her how deeply she already loved him.

And oh God he loves her too. The full magnitude of the moment had been lost to her after his lips first met hers. He loves me. And he actually said the words. Holy crap Alex Karev loves me! Her feet suddenly met the ground again and she regrettably realized that their first kiss was coming to an end.

Alex continued to place soft, feathery kisses on her bruised lips. When his lips finally left hers, they rested their foreheads together while their ragged breathing slowly returned to normal. Jo began to panic slightly as she couldn't think of anything to say, and too much to say at the same time. She felt she was going to ruin what had been a perfect moment. 'Say something,' she berated to herself.

_'Anything will work'_

_'This is quickly becoming uncomfortable.'_

_'Dammit moron, just tell him something!'_

She began to stammer out, "uh. That was...I mean ... I've never...just... Wowzers." She should have never joked about him writing greeting cards. He certainly would not let her forget this embarrassing lack of functional vocabulary.

Alex slowly pulled back from her and brought his hands to cup her face. He tilted his head to the side and gave a quick half smile. "Yeah, Wowzers."

Jo snorted loudly which earned a quick "Sexy" from Alex, whose half smile had grown into a wide grin.

Jo lightly slapped at his arm and muttered "jerk face" while never losing eye contact with him. She realized now that she had the freedom to gaze into those ever expressive windows to his complex soul whenever she liked, she was going to have difficulty doing anything else. Currently, his eyes seemed to convey a peacefulness that she had never seen before. His whole being seemed to be more relaxed than she had ever witnessed and it made her giddy as a schoolgirl to realize that she had something to do with this change. However, there was a lot for them to sort out which she mockingly realized was mostly due to her baggage. It hit Jo at that moment she was basically homeless. Again. 'What a great way to start off a relationship.' Jo decided it was time to rip off the band aid and burst the beautiful bubble they had enjoyed for the past several minutes.

"Listen Alex, we really should talk about what...," Jo began but was interrupted by the high pitched shrill of a pager. Both swore softly as they broke contact to check their respective beepers.

"Incoming trauma to the pit. Kepner's asking for help," Alex stated before looking back at Jo. He seemed to be having an internal struggle of some sort, but Jo couldn't read what was on his mind. "Listen, Robbins will need some more help up here so stay put and do what you can for her. I'll come find you when I'm done so we can leave."

Jo's eyes fell to her shoes. She quietly murmured a quick "okay" while silently wondering if she would have the courage later to approach a discussion about their future. Her head was soon forced up by Alex's gentle pull of her chin. He gazed into her eyes seemingly searching for something. He leaned in for a slow sweet kiss while at the same time played with the hair directly behind her ear. He then tilted her head back down to place a kiss on her forehead. She held his wrists where his fingers were still rubbing her hair and gave them a quick squeeze before he quickly walked out of the room without a backwards glance.

Thanks for staying with me so far! My plan is to add a chapter a week until the finale; hopefully I'll accomplish this :) As I said before, I welcome any constructive criticism and suggestions to help me improve. Thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes:** Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU all for your sweet comments! I really appreciate the encouragement! I haven't written anything in several years, so I was really nervous about posting this. I hope not to disappoint you guys from here on out. This chapter is kinda short compared to what's to come. I will try to update again later this week.

Again, you guys rock!

**Disclaimer:** If I owned anything associated with Grey's Anatomy I wouldn't be living off of Ramen noodles in order to afford the water pump my car needs. Just sayin'

*******CHAPTER 2********

For the rest of the night Jo tried to busy herself with different tasks throughout the hospital. Dr. Robbins had long told her to go home, but Jo couldn't find the strength to face any questions that might arise by her refusal to leave. Besides Dr. Robbins looked like she was barely holding herself upright. Jo liked the peds attending and didn't want to give Dr. Robbins any reason to not like her. And Jo was pretty confident that if anyone knew the reason why she needed to stay at the hospital they would think less of her.

Jo leaned against the nurses station trying to look as if she was reading the patient chart in front of her, but her mind was acting as a time machine traveling through her past. Jo ruefully thought about the few people in her life that had been able to look past her scars and rough edges and actually be able to stomach the reality of who she was. Jason had caught a glimpse of where she had come from and what had become of that? She was a tornado destroying everyone that attempted to care.

Her musings quickly focused in on Alex. She couldn't quite figure him out. Sure he had been through hellish circumstances too so he understood her on a level that no one else in her life had even come close to. But she still could not figure out why he made such an effort. He knew she had injured her boyfriend to the point he needed brain surgery and within twenty-four hours she was physically pushing him during a heated argument. And still Alex had supported her, comforted her, and then expressed his love for her.

The whole thing baffled her.

Jo decided to ask the nurses if there was something she could do to distract herself. Surely there was a supply closet somewhere that needed cleaning.

"Jo, I thought you had gone home a couple of hours ago," exclaimed Stephanie as she came up from behind. Jo slowly turned to face her friend and her eyes quickly zoned in on Stephanie's scrub cap that appeared to have fresh sweat.

"I thought you were still in the NICU, you've been in surgery?!" Jo became jealous that she missed out of surgery while killing time volunteering to run labs and completing post op notes.

"Yeah Dr. Karev had a couple of trauma cases from the storm and pulled me in."

"Oh. That's good." Jo was unable to form any other kind of response. Alex knew she was waiting for him and they work well together in surgery. Why in the world would he not page her but page Steph?

"Does it hurt?"

Jo eyes jerked back to Stephanie's with a quizzical look on her face. "Does what hurt?" Jo responded obviously dumbfounded that Stephanie could read her thoughts that easily.

"Ummm what else? The shiner you've been sporting for two days." Jo mindlessly fingered her eye and then her lip. Her mind drifted to the last time she focused attention on her lip. She could feel a smile start to form, but pushed the thoughts aside. The last thing she needed was for her friend to think she was happy about the ways things unfolded with Jason.

"It's really not that bad," Jo assured her friend. Lord knows I've certainly had worse she bitterly thought.

"Was this the first time?" Stephanie's voice had dropped to such a low whisper Jo had to strain to hear her. Concern and horror were written all over her friend's face. Maybe she had underestimated her friend. The night she and Jason had fought her immediate reaction was to turn to Alex. Jo had briefly thought about calling Steph, but felt her friend would be disappointed in her. Steph had made no secret of her giddiness regarding Jo's relationship with Jason and how she felt they were perfect for each other. Jo was also worried that she would scare her friend with the amount of force she could use against someone if needed. She knew Alex would understand that part of her personality.

"It was the first time it got this bad. There were signs I should have picked up on, but I...I wanted to believe I was just blowing things out of proportion or misinterpreting things. He was just so...at least he seemed to be so perfect I...I didn't want to throw that away on a gut feeling that might not be accurate."

Stephanie paused and seemed to be pondering what she had been told. "I guess me going on and on about how perfect y'all were didn't help that did it?"

"Don't you dare blame yourself for any of this!" Jo exploded. "I can take a lot of crap, but I can't take you feeling bad about how you were happy for me when my life was going well!"

"Okay, okay." Steph said while motioning for Jo to lower her voice. Jo looked around to notice several nurses and a respiratory therapist staring at them. Great.

"Wilson, Edwards,try to leave the girl talk in the locker room. Edwards how is 6215's blood count?" Jo stared at Alex trying to read his thoughts. How much had he heard? And why would he not look her way? Great, life gets more and more complicated by the minute. Just great.

Alex spit out some instructions for Steph, who scurried behind the desk to use the phone at the nurse's desk. "Wilson, are you okay? Do you need me to find you a ride?" And still he doesn't look at her directly. Jo studied the gorgeous face that was studying the electronic tablet in front of him. She tried to figure out of she dreamed his declaration of love and that phenomenal kiss or if she was dreaming now. Surely both weren't reality.

"I'm fine," Jo growled through gritted teeth.

Alex then glanced at her and smirked. "Then you can run 6207's labs and check his chest tube?"

"Fine."

Alex tossed a clipped "good" over his shoulder as he walked away. Jo couldn't decide if she wanted to cry or scream. Maybe both. Why not? Most of the hospital probably thought she should be on the psych ward anyway.

"I'm sorry about that, I shouldn't have brought this up at work." Steph seemed really troubled by how everyone had reacted. Jo quickly tried to reassure her that things were okay as they walked down to their patients' rooms.

"Do you need a place to stay? You're welcome to stay as long as you need." Jo was about to explain that she was staying with Alex, but thought it might be better to take Steph up on her offer. It probably wasnt the best idea to start whatever they were doing living under the same roof no matter how briefly that arrangement lasted. Only a few hours had passed since their first kiss and things are already tense between them. What the hell was up with him?

"Can I get back to you on that?" Jo asked as she started to walk backwards heading back in the direction she came from. As soon as Stephanie assured her she could, Jo started to jog down the corridor.

She had to find Alex.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes:** Thanks for staying with me so far & for your sweet reviews! After this chapter I will probably only post a chapter a week. My plan is to have it all posted the week before the premier.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything associated with Grey's Anatomy. If I did I'm sure I would have someone helping me edit and I don't. All the mistakes you see are mine :)

******CHAPTER 3******

Jo paced the surgical hallway outside OR 2 overly alert for any signs of Alex. She repeatedly went over what she wanted to say in her mind while her eyes darted around nervously. The object of her thoughts soon rounded the corner headed right for her. His eyes widened in surprise as he noticed her and gave a clipped "Wilson" in her direction.

Jo stepped right in front of him causing him to rock on his toes to keep from running her over. His hands went to her hips to steady them, but he quickly jerked away as if he had been burned. "Sorry" Alex mumbled again staring at his shoes, "I got a page, I need to get in there."

As he started to move around her, Jo grabbed his hand and instructed him to follow her.

"Wilson, I have to answer my page, I can't do this now."

"I'm your page, so yes you can." Jo pushed open a closet door and pulled Alex inside. He immediately went to the the far wall and pretended to be looking through the different medical supplies. Jo's frustrations began to boil over. What the hell had gotten into him? Her heart began to break as he turned ever so slightly and she caught a glimpse of his tortured face. Jo took in a sharp breath as realization dawned. "Do you regret what you said?"

Alex spun around at speed that made her think he was going to lose his balance again. "Of course not! Where would you get an idea like that?"

"Let's see, you keep calling me Wilson..."

"Well that is your name."

"Not the name I want the guy I was making out with to call me!"

Alex began to smile. "I could go back to calling you Princess..."

"Stop trying to distract me!" Jo began to feel a little better that their old banter had returned, but his behavior earlier still troubled her. "Will you please just hear me out?" she pleaded. Jo could hear the emotion in her voice and wished she didn't sound so vulnerable. She looked into Alex's eyes and saw that he understood this was important to her. The raw emotion on his face caused her eyes to burn. Damnit here come tears. Jo blinked furiously trying to keep them at bay. "Don't look at me like that!"

Alex's voice was soft and soothing, "like what?"

"Like you feel sorry for me. I hate that."

She swore she saw a touch of pride in his face as he moved closer to her, "whatever you say...princess."

This caused her to laugh as she swiped at her eyes. She held his gaze as they both smiled at each other. Jo considered that to outsiders they probably looked like love struck teenagers. The thought caused her to smile more.

She was brought out of her revere by Alex's hand cupping her face, his fingers again playing with her hair. The ministrations relaxed her and her eyes fluttered. She suddenly felt exhausted. "Can I ask why else you would think I didn't love you?" Alex's voice was a rough whisper as if he didn't want to break the spell they were currently under.

"You wouldn't look at me and you didn't ask me to scrub in with you even though you knew I was stuck here for hours without a ride." Jo felt more confident in her footing with him and their changed relationship. This really wasn't so bad, maybe their relationship wouldn't be as complicated as she had feared.

"Are you serious? That's what made you think I didn't mean what I said? Jo, one thing about me is I mean what I say and I say what I mean. I hate lies. Hate them. And I would never lie about loving anyone. Most of all you."

So much for uncomplicated. Couldn't he just spit out what caused him to act weird. Geez. But at least she felt reassured about his feelings. "Is it because I didn't say the words back?"

"What? No! That doesn't even matter..."

"How can you say that? Everyone wants to hear the words back."

"Jo, its not about that."

"Well you are going to hear them anyway."

"Listen Jo, you don't have to. It's really okay, I don't want you to feel rushed or pressured in any way."

"Will you just shut up and let me get this out?"

"Fine," Alex smirked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"I love you too. I have for a while now and I..." Before she could finish her thoughts, Alex once again grabbed her by the waist as his lips came crashing into hers. Jo felt more aware of his every move this time and tried to commit it all to memory. She'd want to relive these moments as much as she could in as much detail as possible whenever she was away from him. To her disappointment he broke the kiss much sooner than he had the last time, but her disappointment quickly turned to thrills as his lips travelled down her neck and began softly tracing her collarbone. She moaned softly and held his head in place.

"Just remember who said it first," Alex murmured into her skin. Jo laughed loudly and pulled Alex back up for another brief kiss, her arms hanging casually over his shoulder while his hands remained at her waist. She pulled back and marveled at the huge smile on Alex's face. She hoped she got to see a lot more of that smile as it made him even sexier than usual.

"So can you just explain to me why you were so aloof earlier? Obviously, I'm not getting anywhere with my guessing."

"It has been fun though." Alex teased while softly kissing her hairline. Jo pulled back slightly to narrow her eyes at him.

"Spit it out Karev. If we are going to be together and work together, we need to understand how we're going to act with each other in different situations. So when you are an aloof jerk I understand the reasons behind it." Jo could have continued her mild tirade, but she was distracted by Alex's thumb rubbing the skin he had found under her scrub top right above her left hip bone. If the tip of one of his thumbs could set her on fire like this, she was in deep trouble.

Alex sighed and stepped back from her. "Do you not see after our time in here? Now that I know what it's like to hold you in my arms and to kiss you and to hear you moan how the hell am I supposed to keep my hands off you?! I love everything about you regardless of your body, but let's call a spade a spade. You are an ridiculously hot woman and I haven't been with anyone in a really, reeeeally long time. And now it's gonna be even worse because I know that you actually have feelings for me too. How the hell am I supposed to do anything other than touch and kiss you now? So yeah I'm calling you 'Wilson' and not having you scrub in with me and I'm looking at the floor like a middle school self conscious nerd because if I don't I'm going to jump you each time I see you!"

"And that's a problem because?" Jo wished she had filmed this entire conversation. She knew she would want to relive this interaction over and over again.

Alex laughed at her words and seemed for a second to be considering jumping her right then. But he suddenly grew serious again and turned slightly before continuing, "look I just don't want this thing with us to be a big deal around here yet. I don't have the greatest reputation around here when it comes to my relationships with women. And I really don't want people..." Jo couldn't focus anymore on what he was saying as she was overwhelmed with her own thoughts. Warning bells were going off in her mind. She really does ruin all good things and this was partly because of her selfishness and not considering the feelings of her new boyfriend. Alex looked so serious and she could tell this was something that really concerned him. Of course he wouldn't want people to think they were having meaningless sex after he had worked so hard to clean up his reputation.

"I'm so sorry Alex, I was so excited for me I didn't even think about how this would be for you and I don't want to do anything to cause people to condemn you..."

"What? Damn, have you been listening to a word I've said?"

"Yes, you don't want people to know about this yet. I understand Alex, really I do. And its okay. I don't want people to think that you took advantage of me while I was vulnerable after what happened with Jason. Especially when that couldn't be farther from the truth. Cause I swear if I was to hear one person whispering crap about you..." Jo was silenced by Alex putting a finger to her mouth. She made eye contact with Alex and held his gaze. She felt momentarily lost in the love that she found there and wondered how she had missed noticing that look in his eyes sooner.

"I love how feisty you get when you feel the need to stand up for me," Alex whispered. "I've never in my life had someone have my back with as much passion as you do. But this isn't one of those times that you need to fight for me. I don't care what anyone says about me. I do care what they think about you."

"But I don't give a rat's..."

Alex chuckled, "I know. Believe me I know, but I do give a rat's ass and I don't want to hear it. And having been the center of hospital gossip fodder, I would rather avoid it and focus my energy on you." Alex gingerly took her hand in his as he continued, "I am so excited to get to know you even better than I already do, to be there for you when you need me and even when you don't, to make plans for our future. And I just don't want anything to get in the way of that."

Jo used her free hand to caress Alex's face for a moment before stretching up to gently kiss him. Jo tried to convey how much she loved him and how grateful she was for the way he loved her back with everything in her. She reveled in the way he could break through all her insecurities so easily. She wondered once again how her fortunes had changed so quickly.

The kiss ended before Jo was ready and Alex began wiping the tears she didn't realize had fallen. "You ready to get out of here?" Alex quietly asked.

"You bet your ass I am! Are you done with everything?"

"Well now that I don't have an emergency surgery to assist with I can go pretty soon. Meet me in the lobby in fifteen?"

Jo smiled brightly, "I'll be ready."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** Thank you everyone for staying with me so far. This is where things start to get darker, so if you like light and fluffy, now is the time to stop reading. Again thank you all for your kind reviews, I really appreciate all of your support.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything related to Grey's Anatomy. If I did certain males would be shirtless a lot more often. Just sayin'

******CHAPTER 4******

Jo quietly tiptoed down the stairs trying not to wake anyone. She had never slept particularly well and tonight was no exception. She realized that she really hadn't slept since her fight with Jason and wondered how much longer she could make it before she crashed. Her whole body stiffened as she hit a creaky spot on the stairs. Jo winced and held her breath waiting to see if anyone stirred. She could hear Alex reposition himself on the couch and anxiously waited until she thought he had drifted back off to sleep.

She would be lying if she said it didn't disappoint her that he had insisted on taking the couch. She understood his desire to take their relationship slow and to be honest she wanted to wait to be with him as well. She just didn't feel ready to take that next step even if it was Alex. Well especially with Alex. She desperately needed to sort some things out in her mind before giving all of herself to him. But still she had been looking forward to sleeping wrapped up in his strong arms. And a small part of her felt a little rejected by him. The logical part of her brain attempted to banish the thought.

Jo had difficulty making out Alex's features until she got next to him. The light from a nearby closet barely illuminated his handsome face. He had insisted on leaving several lights on so she could find her way around if needed. As if she hadn't been here dozens of times in the dark, Jo would have laughed about this if he hadn't been so serious. She really appreciated his concern and thoughtfulness, but felt bad about him sleeping on the couch especially with lights on since she knew how much he liked to sleep in complete darkness. She readjusted the sheets and throws that were bunched in knots on his chest. She resisted the urge to kiss him on the chance he might wake up.

She inched past him to turn off the closet light and realized just how dark the living room got without the light. It then dawned on her that the window was now covered with plywood so the streetlight was not glowing into the room like it normally did. Jo slowly made her way back to the entryway trying to not bump into anything. Sometimes the lack of furniture was a definite advantage.

Jo made it to the kitchen and looked at the clock: 5:24am. They had only made it home three short hours ago. Jo was thankful for the sleep she got, but was now feeling restless. She looked around the kitchen and quickly decided to do some cleaning.

"What the hell?" Jo quickly turned around to see Alex standing in the doorway of the kitchen rubbing his squinted eyes. He made quite a sight with his rumpled shirt and crooked boxers with his hair spiked in several different directions. Jo looked at the clock: 8:40. At least he got six hours of sleep.

"I didn't wake you did I? I was trying to keep quiet," Jo studied Alex as he studied the kitchen.

"No, you didn't," Alex reassured but he seemed perplexed as his eyes scanned the room, "What's different in here?"

"Oh I cleaned the light fixtures; I haven't put the globes back on yet. And I took everything off the fridge to clean the doors."

Alex looked impressed, "I've never thought about cleaning light fixtures."

Jo snickered, "Obviously." At Alex's warning look she changed the subject, "did you sleep okay?"

"Of course," Alex said almost too cheerfully. Jo narrowed her eyes in his direction. "I slept great once I got to sleep," Alex amended, "I had great things to dream about." He had slowly walked around to her side and placed a quick kiss on her cheek before stepping past her to open the fridge. "Got any plans for today?" he asked over his shoulder as if it was the most normal thing in the world to kiss her good morning. She could definitely get used to this.

"I'm going shopping with Steph. I need to get some clothes since just about everything I own is at Jason's," Jo noticed Alex's body stiffen and his jaw set. Crap.

"Why can't you get your stuff? He can't freakin' do that! I'll talk to him." Oh Lord, that's just what we need to happen, Jo thought dejectedly. She had to calm Alex. And _fast_.

"Alex it's okay. Leah's going to let me borrow a few things since we're close to the same size. I just need some underwear and hygiene products. Jason told Steph that when he gets discharged he'll get my stuff to her."

"But..."

"Really Alex, that's fine. I just don't want any more confrontations or complications. I just want to be done. I needed new underwear anyway." This caused Alex to snicker before giving her a smoldering look as if he was trying to picture her in said underwear. Jo tried not to blush and quickly changed the subject. "Want some breakfast? I can make an omelet."

"Really? I'm not even sure when the last time breakfast was actually cooked in this house." Jo watched as Alex's excitement about warm food change into a brief pained look followed by a look of deep thought. Jo guessed maybe it had to do with his friend that died in the plane crash or possibly his ex-wife. She briefly considered asking him, but she got the feeling this was something he currently didn't want to talk about and she prided herself on how well she could usually read him. But she would definitely file the moment in the back of her mind for future reference.

The room was stone quiet except for the hiss of the skillet. Jo grabbed the first subject she could think of, "what were you planning for today? Wanna go shopping?" she teased.

Alex flashed a smile, "I do if you're going to Victoria's Secret." Jo tossed a piece of onion in his direction and they both laughed merrily. "I'm going into work to check on a few things and see Mer since she was resting last night when I finally got a chance to go by her room."

The conversation flowed easily between them as they sat next to each other at the kitchen table. They bounced from one topic to another without missing a beat. It thrilled Jo when Alex genuinely seemed to enjoy her cooking and complimented her culinary skills and she loved it when he then teased her about finding eggshells. She again considered how lucky she was to have him as a buddy first and foremost.

Alex jumped when he realized how late it had gotten and ran to take a quick shower. Jo busied herself with cleaning up from their breakfast and was getting the light fixtures back into place when Alex's voice startled her from behind.

"You cleaned my bathroom."

Jo turned her head to look at him and noted how good he looked with wet hair. "You almost made me fall out of the chair ya know." Jo flashed him a quick smile, which wasn't returned. Now what?

"You cleaned my bathroom," Alex repeated as if she didn't hear it the first time. He held her gaze, but his face didn't reveal what was going on in his head. Jo decided she would attempt to keep the interaction light as it again felt like they were testing thin ice.

"Yeah, you know this place could use a little bit of a woman's touch. No offense to Dr. Yang. That place was so messy I now understand why you let all those curse words fly when getting ready." She tried to keep her tone light and carefree, but he still didn't follow her lead.

"When did you clean it?"

Jo stepped down off the chair and began to move it back to its place, "You know most people would say 'thank you' and may even offer a kiss of thanks." Maybe flirty would work.

"How long have you been having trouble sleeping, Jo?" His eyes now conveyed quiet concern. She could tell this had really troubled him. Damn she didn't want him to worry about her. She desperately wanted him to see her as a strong, capable woman that was his equal, not a troubled, beaten down woman who couldn't sleep because of her past.

"It's not a big deal; I'm used to not getting much sleep. I function fine. Trust me." Jo hoped that her plea would keep him from pushing the issue further, but it only seemed to agitate him.

"I'll trust you if you're honest about it. Damnit Jo, you're a freakin' doctor, you know how a lack of sleep can affect the body. So I'm gonna keep asking until you tell me. How long?" He was now motioning with his arms in a frenzied way that took Jo off guard. She pondered what had gotten into him so fast. If only she could go back in time and not clean the damn bathroom.

"What does it matter? This is so stupid. My body has adapted to it and I do just fine, okay? Why are badgering me like a criminal? Can we drop it?" She noticed her volume had raised to the point she was yelling at him. She sadly realized they hadn't been together for a full twenty-four hours and already they were fighting.

She watched as Alex took a deep breath and rubbed his hair. There was brief, incredibly uncomfortable pause broken by Alex's hesitant voice, "I need to get going. Did you need a ride to meet Edwards?"

Jo had been almost glaring at him, but hearing the resignation in his voice made her drop her eyes to the floor in shame. "Yeah that would be great. I'll get my purse." She quickly bolted from the room to run away from the tension that had grown so thick. What the hell was she going to do?

The ride to the hospital was made in complete silence. Jo kept reliving their argument over and over, trying to find a way to fix what she had already broken. She was being childish, or at least that's how Alex would perceive it.

Jo understood the question should be an easy one to answer. Hell, she asked the same types of questions to patients multiple times each day. But with an answer would come more questions and those were the ones Jo couldn't answer.

The truth was that Jo hadn't slept well since she was fifteen. Part of that was the need to be half alert in case anyone tried to harm her when she was living alone in a car. But another reason had everything to do with why she started living in that car in the first place. And why she had reacted so aggressively when Jason first grabbed her. More than ten years had passed and she was still being haunted by the nightmares.

Between her deep musings and Alex's silence she had half-forgotten he was in the car. She tried to look at him out of the corner of her eye, but she couldn't tell anything about him except his posture seemed rigid and he was staring straight ahead.

Jo desperately wanted to apologize for before, but wasn't sure how to bring it up or what to say. She was broken from her reverie by Alex putting the car in park.

"This is her building isn't it?" Alex was staring down at his hands which were sitting on top of his thighs. Damnit. Damnit, damnit, damnit.

Jo put her hand on the door handle to exit, but she was caught by Alex grabbing the other. "Wait," she heard him half whisper. It was more of a plea than a directive and she immediately repositioned herself and began messing with the straps of her purse. She waited for what he might say next and became increasingly anxious that he might be about to break off whatever this was. She heard his voice echoing in her mind, 'I'm sick of crazy chicks with problems.' Well she definitely fit the bill on that one.

"I'm sorry Jo," was what finally came out, "I shouldn't have pushed. You have every right to be pissed. I hope you'll talk to me or someone when you're ready, but I'll...I will try my best not to do that again."

Jo sat perfectly still and studied the stitch pattern on her purse. It was so even and consistent. She wished her life could be more like that. She wondered what it felt like to live a life where you knew what was coming each day and what people would be there for it. She felt sick at her stomach with just the simple thought that the man next to her might not be around for the next decade much less the next day. She needed him more than she had ever needed anyone, and that realization terrified her. Before she could stop herself, Jo quietly blurted out, "Twelve. It's been about twelve years." She noticed Alex snap his head in her direction, but she couldn't make herself look at him. "And this is the right building." She quickly got out of the car and ran in the apartment building.


	5. Chapter 5

*********CHAPTER 5*******

Jo had tried her best to enjoy her shopping trip with Steph, but it just didn't happen. She had never really liked shopping that much and she was too preoccupied by Alex. Stephanie had tried to cheer her up with mindless chatter about movie stars and new makeup trends and when that didn't work she had tried to talk about new surgical techniques and clinical trials. That made Jo think about Alex even more. Steph later talked about setting Jo up with someone new and the thought made Jo nauseous.

She had briefly thought about moving in with Steph on the way to her apartment, but she wasn't sure she could handle this day in and day out. Plus the more she replayed the argument and car ride the more she noticed the love and concern in Alex's actions. It also dawned on her how little she had ever heard him apologize to anyone for anything. She later asked Steph to drop her off at the hospital so she could apologize too.

Jo roamed the halls rehearsing what she wanted to say, totally ignoring everyone who spoke to her. She had looked for him everywhere she could think of before going to Dr. Grey's room. It would be her luck that he would be there. She thought about how the whole situation would surely give Medusa a reason to hate her even more.

Jo stood outside the door to the room for a while taking in the scene before her. Dr. Grey appeared to be sound asleep as was her daughter, who was sleeping like a rock face down on top of Alex. He seemed to be asleep as well, but not as deeply as the others. Jo almost walked away to not disturb them, but then Alex turned his head towards the door and noticed her. Well at least there would be no yelling with a sleeping child on his chest.

Jo quietly entered the room and knelt beside the sleeper chair. "She looks so peaceful."

Alex looked down at Zola and smiled, "yeah she's a sweetheart."

A brief silence followed in which Jo wished the floor would swallow her whole. She wasn't so sure she could handle this, "I'm so sorry Alex, I shouldn't have gotten so upset this morning and I definitely shouldn't have snapped at you. You don't deserve that."

Alex looked into her eyes, clearly surprised, "Yes, I did. I should understand better than anyone that you need your space to deal with things and respect that. I'll try to do better, but no promises that I won't screw up like that again."

Jo gave a hint of a smile, "Ditto."

Alex gave a quiet snort. "We are quite the pair, aren't we?"

"I wouldn't want it any other way," Jo stated sincerely and kissed Alex on the cheek.

"You ready to get pissed again, because I kinda got talked into babysitting tonight."

"This sweetheart? Oh that'll be fun!" Jo was looking forward to the distraction after such an emotionally draining few days. Besides watching Alex entertain a cute toddler is guaranteed to be fun.

"Yeah Shepard keeps getting called into surgery and Mer doesn't want her to have to spend the night here. Plus Miss Zola can't resist me." He still seemed hesitant, almost troubled to Jo, but she was glad to see him joking some. And watching him dote on children always helped calm her. She couldn't help but smile at the two of them and hoped that one day she would see Alex holding their child. She was snapped out of her daydream by Alex's hand waving in her face, "Earth to Jo, come in Jo," she focused in on his face and noticed Zola was now awake and grinning at her. How long had she zoned out?

"You ready to go? Miss Zozo just declared she was 'ungy.' Isn't that right Zola, are you ready for some supper?"

"Ungy!" the toddler beamed and clapped her hands. Alex stood and gathered her things. Jo felt relaxed and looked forward to a night with them.

They worked well together cooking spaghetti and playing with Zola. By eight o'clock, Zola was sound asleep in Jo's lap as she leaned back against the couch. Jo scanned the room and wondered how three people could make such a mess in such a short amount of time. There were two blanket forts set up, toys and clothes strewn everywhere, along with balled up pieces of paper from their "war" earlier. Alex had declared that Zola needed to learn to have 'tomboy fun' in addition to the 'girly junk.'

Alex came back into the room bringing a drink for each of them. He plopped down beside her as quietly as he could, "you were great with her today, a total natural."

"Right back at ya...princess," Jo teased as she reached out to flick the purple boa that was still draped around his neck. They both laughed before falling into a comfortable silence. Alex had put his arm around Jo and was mindlessly stroking her upper arm. "Where did you come up with the idea to use a box fan with the fort to make the linens stay up?"

She felt Alex stiffen slightly and he remained silent for a few seconds before answering, "My Old Man did it for us as kids a couple of times. It made playing in there much more fun. I had forgotten about it until today."

Jo looked at him thoughtfully, "That's the first time I've heard you talk about your dad in a positive way." There was no judgment in her voice, just a quiet acknowledgement of him recognizing a good quality in a horrible man.

Alex let out a deep sigh before responding, "I guess law of averages, eventually the bastard had to do something decent although it was probably to distract us from something illegal that was going on somewhere else in the house." He gave a quick shrug and took a drink from his glass. "Are you alright? I can move her if you want. Your arms have to be getting tired."

"No, I'm fine. This is great." Jo gazed into Alex's eyes and melted at the love she found in those depths. They both leaned in for a kiss that took on a life of its own. Jo wondered how far things would have gone if she hadn't been holding a child. They quickly broke apart at the sound of the front door opening and looked up to see Dr. Yang appearing shell shocked in their direction.

"Alex, can I speak to you a second?" she asked as she quickly walked into the kitchen. Alex flashed a half smile at Jo before getting up and following Yang into the kitchen.

Jo slowly raised up and placed Zola on the couch before taking down the blanket forts to make a pallet on the floor. She moved Zola onto the blankets and retrieved her favorite stuffed animal from the diaper bag. When Jo turned back she was met with bright eyes staring back at her. Jo laid next to the child so she would go back to sleep, but Zola started trying to fight it. Jo tried to think of a lullaby to sing, but couldn't come up with anything. She never realized how little she knew about kiddie things, she couldn't even come up with a decent bedtime story or nursing rhyme. She started singing the first song that came to mind "Goodnight Sweetheart" by some 50s doo-whop group. She realized she could only remember the chorus of that song, but she repeated it over and over until the girl drifted off to sleep.

Jo woke with a start and tried to figure out where she was and what was holding her down. She suppressed the urge to fight and tried to take in her surroundings. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness she made out Alex's living room and remembered babysitting. But what was the weight on her stomach? Jo turned to see Alex flush against her back with his arm resting over her side. Jo relaxed into his embrace and let out a deep sigh. This had to be the next best thing to heaven. Jo again pondered what had caused her to wake up when two small but forceful feet met her ribs. Well there is the answer. She began to sit up to reposition Zola, but Alex tightened his grip on her and pulled her closer.

"What's the matter?" he mumbled in his sleep. He was so cute half asleep Jo mused. She couldn't wait to see him this way every morning.

"I'm just moving Zola a bit. She keeps kicking me." Alex loosened his grip and she moved Zola to where her legs were pointed away from her. She placed the stuffed animal back into the girl's arms and Zola quickly curled around the toy. Jo then rolled back into Alex's arms. "Are you okay sleeping on the floor? If you need to go crash in your bed I'll be fine here with Zola. I know you haven't gotten much sleep the last few nights."

Alex shook his head no before reassuring her, "I'm sleeping just fine here with y'all. Besides we only have an hour before we need to get up for work."

Jo stared at him disbelievingly before snatching his arm to read the digital display of his watch. "Well I'll be damned, you're right." Jo couldn't believe she had made it through the entire night without a single noise or nightmare waking her up. She slowly relaxed back into Alex's embrace and tried to drift back to sleep.

"I love you Josephine," Alex murmured in her ear. Jo reached to his arm and pulled on a hair she found there.

"Ow, what the hell was that for?!" Alex hissed in her direction.

"You know good and well how much I hate being called that. But I love you too...Alexander."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes:** I want to thank you all greatly for your kind reviews, follows, and private messages. You guys are awesome and you all keep me motivated with this little project. I'm so glad that there are more fans out there that are just as excited about Jolex as I am. Can't wait to see what our favorite duo is up to in the new season!

And just to clarify in case anyone else needs it at this point, this is strictly a Alex and Jo fic. I play with some other characters from time to time, but I put them back quickly. I'm just exploring what I think their relationship would look like as they learn more about each other and their respective pasts.

On that note, there will be some chapters later where I go into Alex's past to swim in those waters a bit, but for the most part its Jo's issues that this fic will deal with.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Greys or the awesome characters, I just borrow them for fun.

P.S. Serious props to anyone that read all of that instead of skipping straight to the story like I always do

*******CHAPTER 6*********

Jo sat in the middle of Alex's living room surrounded by all of her belongings. She had tried to not get emotional about getting her things from Jason, but she had failed. Miserably.

She looked over at the growing collection of empty beer bottles and sighed. She initially thought that it would be better to be alone tonight, but now she needed Alex. This had been too much too fast. She had initially considered only sorting out the clothes, but then decided to make sure her personal keepsakes were all accounted for. This had led to the beer, which led to the tipsiness, which lead to the crying, and finally the disgust.

Her life was always such a train wreck and a never ending roller coaster of bad. She laughed at her foolishness for thinking when she moved in with Jason the rest of her life would be smooth sailings. It didn't even last a month. And now with Alex things were great when they weren't arguing, but they were always arguing. Jo was starting to believe that they were both too damaged to ever be healthy together.

Of course that was the exact moment that Alex came through the front door. He stopped midstride when he saw her. She had to make quite the sight sitting in the middle of the floor, slightly past drunk, tears streaming down her face, surrounded by a few garbage bags, five boxes, and a duffle bag. Everything she had to show for her entire life would fit in a coat closet Jo thought ruefully. That caused her to laugh slightly, which surely had to scare Alex more.

To his credit, Alex didn't say a word before sitting next to her in the floor. He took a swig of beer from her most recent bottle and remained silent.

Jo gathered herself before trying to explain, "I was just going through it to make sure nothing major was missing. I...I didn't think it would be this hard." A sob escaped from her and she tried to dry her tears.

Alex grabbed a Kleenex from the end table and began to wipe her face, "Here, you have that woman goop on your cheeks."

Jo laughed slightly and smiled warmly at him, "Thank you." They sat in silence for a few minutes each lost in their own thoughts.

Alex was the first to break the silence, "Do you wanna talk about what got you upset?"

Jo couldn't form any words. She silently picked up a broken picture frame and handed it to Alex. He stared at it taking in the sight and waiting for her to explain. "It's all scratched up now from the broken glass and I don't have another copy. At first I thought maybe it got broken in our scuffle, but I just realized it had been sitting on a table across the room from where we fought. That asshole destroyed the only snapshot I have from my childhood." Her body shook with anger and tears. She noticed how badly her throat was hurting from all the crying. Alex gathered her in his arms and rubbed her back as she sobbed loudly. After several minutes her breath slowly even out and the tears slowed. She took in a shaky breath and pulled away from Alex. "I'm sorry about your shirt."

Alex looked down at the mascara marks and large wet spot and laughed, "It's fine." Jo leaned back onto the couch and Alex followed her lead. They sat in silence for a while before Alex asked about the picture.

Jo took another swig of beer and exhaled deeply. "It's my best friend from high school and I at a football game. We had been placed in the same foster home for a while as young kids and ended up together in a group home later on. I don't remember who gave me the picture, but I only have a few of me at all and the rest are posed pictures mostly of just me like for the yearbook and even those are just proofs, but this was my favorite because it shows us just like we were." Jo glanced at Alex's surprised face. "I'm rambling aren't I?"

"A little, but it's cute. How many of those have you had?" Alex asked as he motioned towards her pile of empty bottles.

Jo hummed for a bit as if deep in thought and realized she wasn't sure. This caused her to start laughing, but one glance at Alex's face stopped her laughter cold.

His face showed a mix of concern, hurt, and confusion. "You didn't go over there alone did you?"

"No, he told Steph she could come get it when he got discharged yesterday. She was going to take Shane with her, but when Jackson found out he went instead. They were so dumbfounded that this was everything. Yeah that was a fun conversation." Jo began laughing uncontrollably. "Isn't that ridiculous?!"

Alex ignored her rhetorical question, "Have you eaten anything?"

"I don't remember. I think I've reached my calorie intake for the day though." She leaned towards Alex and whispered, "Did you know beer has calories?" as if it was the biggest secret in the world.

Alex let out a sigh and rolled his eyes, "You're too skinny as it is. That's why you can't hold your liquor."

Jo looked around dramatically, "I don't see any throw up anywhere, do you?"

"Oh I'm sure I will later. I'll make you a sandwich." Alex patted her knee as he got up and Jo watched him walk out of the room, greatly appreciating his backside in the jeans he was wearing. She shook her head and began sorting her clothes again.

Alex quickly returned with a turkey sandwich, a glass of water, and two Tylenol capsules. They sat in silence as she slowly ate her sandwich. Jo tilted her head back to quell a bout of nausea. She took in a big breath and turned towards Alex, "Do you think I'll ever get past moving in trash bags?"

"I dunno, I moved most of my stuff in trash bags when I bought this place."

Half of Jo was thankful he was similar to her in this respect; the other half was depressed for them both. "I've never been like this."

Alex stared back at her, "Like what?"

"Weak. Lost. Even when I was homeless I felt I had more direction and clarity than I do now. My mind just feels so cloudy."

"Uh, I think that's partly the beer."

"Ha, ha" They settled into another comfortable silence before Jo blurted out, "Just ask."

"Ask what?"

"Don't play games with me Alex; I know you have tons of questions about all of this."

Alex sat still for a moment, seemingly considering his words very carefully, "I only want to know what you feel ready to share."

"But you want to know stuff."

"Of course."

"Then just ask damnit."

Alex took in a deep breath, "When you're ready you'll tell me. I'm not gonna push you. I love you regardless."

Jo suddenly felt the need to have every bit of him. She launched herself at Alex, kissing him urgently. Her hand eagerly travelled down his chest to start pulling his shirt out of his pants but her hands were stilled by Alex's on hers. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead on hers. "Not now, not like this."

Before she could stop herself Jo was pushing on his chest, "What, I'm so disgusting you can't even let me touch you? God, you've had sex with half the women at the hospital and you won't even go to second base with me. What is the matter with you?"

Alex looked ready to explode. His breathing had become shallow and he was clenching his hands into fists. "Look, I don't want to be our first time to be something we regret later. And if we do this now you'll regret it tomorrow and I'll regret doing that to you. I'm trying my best to respect you, why the hell won't you just let me?"

Jo couldn't form a single response to this and decided the question was too complex for her level of intoxication. "I'm sleepy."

Alex smirked before standing up and offering her a hand. Jo smiled up gratefully and placed her hand in his for him to help her up. He held her steady for a moment as she tried to regain her balance. Alex then picked her up and cradled her in his arms. Jo let out a small squeal, "What are you doing?"

Alex smiled down at her, "You are _way_ too drunk to walk up the stairs on your own."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Jo was awakened by horrible nausea and an intense headache. She let out a moan, which only intensified the pain. She pulled herself up to a sitting position and took some deep breaths to suppress the new wave of nausea that came over her. She was feeling better and thought that she might have beaten the sickness before she bolted into the restroom.

She was silently vowing to never drink again while leaning over the toilet when she felt Alex enter the room. He quietly pulled her hair back from her face and secured it with a hair clip that was sitting on the counter. He then sat next to her and rubbed her back softly as her body repeatly tensed from the waves of sickness that washed over her.

After several minutes, Jo felt somewhat better and moved away from the toilet to lean on the cool porcelain tub, moaning with each movement. Alex quietly handed her a cool washcloth followed by a glass of water and some more Tylenol. Jo caught a glimpse of herself in the full length mirror and gasped. She looked pale and gaunt. Her eyes had felt swollen when she woke up, but they appeared even worse in the mirror. She had smudges of mascara all over her face and Alex's attempt at putting her hair up was just icing on the cake. 'No wonder he won't touch me' she thought dejectedly.

Jo looked back over at Alex as he sat down across from her. He didn't appear to be doing any better; it looked like he hadn't slept at all. Jo tried to break the silence, but couldn't think of anything to say. She finally squeaked out, "What time is it?"

"Around four."

"I didn't wake you up did I?" Jo realized how stupid this question was the moment it popped out. Of course she woke him up, if he had ever gone to sleep. Knowing Alex, he was probably too worried to sleep at all.

"I wanted to be ready when I was needed for hair duty."

"Thanks." Another period of silence followed before Jo tested the waters again, "How did you make it past your childhood?" She hadn't meant to jump off the deep end like that, but she still had enough alcohol in her system to be somewhat impulsive.

Alex tilted his head to the side thoughtfully before answering, "Different things. Running, studying, wrestling, surgery, fighting. Of course a lot of bourbon and beer. And a lot of women." He shrugged his shoulders before continuing, "I screwed up a lot, and I hurt a lot of folks. I don't know what helped the most, but it's not like I'm over everything that happened to me either."

"You're not?"

"Of course not. I don't think any of us really get over stuff like that. You just learn to deal."

Jo stared at the wall slowly digesting what he had said. "I thought I was in a good place. That I had forced all of those demons into a box that only got cracked open every once in a while. But now it feels like someone smashed the box into a thousand pieces and let them all out and they're dancing around in front of my face laughing at me and I have no idea how to get them back under control."

Alex nodded his head. "Have you thought about going to therapy?"

Jo's eyes widened in shock before narrowing in anger. "Now I'm so crazy I need a shrink? God, I thought you of all people would understand this. I opened up to you damnit and now you are judging me for it!" Jo tried to stand but Alex quickly moved over to kneel in front of her and held her by her upper arms before she could get enough balance to raise herself.

"No one is judging you here, but it doesn't take a shrink to see that your fight with Doctor Douche triggered some things from your past that you had buried awhile back. Going to therapy doesn't make you weak, it makes you brave."

Jo relaxed a little and considered this. "Have you ever gone to a shrink?"

"Of course, several times"

Jo narrowed her eyes at him, "When you weren't required to?"

Alex looked down and seemed defeated, "No, every time I've gone I didn't have a choice."

Jo nodded her head and remained silent for a bit. "If I do this, will you at least come to some sessions with me?"

Alex looked at her with a hopeful expression, "Of course."

"Okay." Jo stared at him with wonder as he sat in front of her. "Why do you put up with me and all of this?" she asked as she gestured around the room to nothing in particular.

"Because I know what it's like to be where you are. Because I think you deserve to have someone with you through all of this... Because you're my girl." This made Jo smile brightly and let out a small laugh. "And because I love you." Alex gave her a half grin while lightly cradling her face and rubbing her cheeks with his thumbs. "I would kiss you right now, but...well you haven't brushed your teeth and you have puke breath."

Jo pushed him playfully on the chest, "Go back to bed jerk."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Notes:** Thank you guys for all your sweet comments! To be honest, I have always loved to write, but I've never shared anything I have ever done for fun. So to go from only teachers reading my work (I won't say how long ago, ha) to people all over the world reading it is quite overwhelming in the best possible way. So thank you lovelies!

A couple of people have asked for more fun and more steam. I don't think I write that well, but I've tried to have some lightheartedness sprinkled throughout. Cause I absolutely love the fun stuff they do, it's what really made me love the idea of Jo & Alex as a potential couple.

As I said before this road gets dark at times and is going to get pretty deep. I've tried to leave them in a good place at the end of each chapter so if you decide this isn't for you, you can jump off at any point.

Again thank you all!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Grey's Anatomy or the characters. If I did McSteamy would still be among the living. I'm still traumatized.

*********CHAPTER 7********

Jo rinsed the last pot and placed it in the drain to dry. It felt weird to be back in Ms. Schmitt's house, but she was very happy to be there. She picked up a towel to dry her hands and watched her former teacher place two cups of decaf coffee on the table. Ms. Schmitt looked at her expectantly and pushed a chair away from the table for her.

Jo had wondered how long it would be before they had a heart-to-heart-come-to-Jesus-talk. She felt really nervous about how this may play out. She looked into the living room and overheard Alex and Ms. Schmitt's son, Daniel, discussing the fallacy of prevent defense in football. Whatever that meant.

She would need to do something special for Alex after this. He had first suggested her coming out to see Ms. Schmitt the day after her drunken lamentation about her life. He had given some psych babble about the importance of mother figures in dealing with trauma adding that he really wanted to meet her former teacher and he needed to take a vacation anyway. Like she couldn't see straight through _that_.

He had been so wonderful with everything. He and Mrs. Schmitt had hit it off right away and now he was working his charm on her son and grandson. He looked so calm, but she could tell he was anxious about how this trip would pan out. They both knew it was possible this could make things worse for her, but Jo was willing to try a visit if it would help her current emotional state. Especially if it would help her relationship with Alex.

Jo felt shaky and slightly dizzy as she sat down at the kitchen table. No one had ever been able to read her as well as Mrs. Schmitt and she knew that her former teacher had been reading Jo since she and Alex walked in the house a few hours ago.

"How are your classes going this year? Those kids giving you trouble?" Maybe she can be diverted for a few more minutes Jo thought hopefully.

Mrs. Schmitt gave a warning look over her glasses, "Josephine, we've been exchanging boring pleasantries for the past few hours. Time to get serious."

Jo unconsciously sat straighter in her chair and replied with a quiet, "yes ma'am"

"Good," the teacher tone left and her voice took on a much more nurturing element. She reached out and covered Jo's hands with her own. "Honey will you tell me what happened?"

"I don't know if I can." Jo was already on the verge of tears. She knew this would happen when she agreed to the trip, but she had hoped there was a chance Mrs. Schmitt wouldn't ask about recent events.

She should have known better. Alex was right, she was the closest thing to a mother Jo had and any mother worth anything would not brush off an assault that involved her child. Jo drew in a shaky breath, but didn't know where to start.

Mrs. Schmitt seemed to realize this, "the last we spoke beforehand, you had just moved in a few days before. You sounded reserved and preoccupied."

"I should have listened to you." Jo started softly while tracing the pattern of the tablecloth with her fingers. "Both you and Alex told me it was too fast, but I was stubborn. Like I always am." Jo managed a small smile, but it didn't last. "It didn't take long for him to start trying to control me. He was so jealous of the time I spent with anyone else. He started checking my phone and checking up on me whenever I was away from him. I should have run away, but I...well honestly I'm not sure now why I didn't. I wanted so badly to be normal...and to not be alone." She had said the last part so softly she wondered if she had been heard.

Mrs. Schmitt squeezed her hands, "Honey, we all want to feel normal. It's what everyone strives for. But you have to listen to your instincts. As a woman, it's your greatest tool."

Jo nodded, "Guess I learned the hard way. Again." Jo glanced back towards the living room and met Alex's eyes. She had seen that look before, the day after her fight with Jason when she walked in on Dr. Grey and Dr. Yang trying to get information out of him. He was so concerned about her and she hated being the cause of his worry. She gave him her best reassuring smile, but she could tell it wasn't helping. She knew all she had to do was say the word and he would take her back home to Seattle. At the moment it was very tempting to run, but she knew she needed to grow up and stop hiding from her problems. If for nothing else to maintain her relationship with Alex. She gave a stronger smile, which seemed to pacify him for the time being and he turned back towards Daniel to talk about offensive schemes.

Mrs. Schmitt seemed to relish the interaction between the two, "He's good for you."

Jo smiled, "Yes, yes he is. Sometimes I think he understands me better than I do."

Mrs. Schmitt smiled, "Well I guess you don't have to worry about being alone right now." At Jo's questioning look she continued, "That man is completely devoted to you. Do you not realize that?"

Jo's eyes widened in surprise. "Why would he be?"

"Honey, why not?" Jo's thoughts returned to a stormy night a few weeks back.

_'Why would you do that for me?'_

_'Shut up. Why wouldn't I?'_

Jo still couldn't answer that question. Everything Alex had said and done since then had reinforced his feelings for her, but she still didn't think their relationship would last. He would get tired of dealing with her problems and bolt. Of this she was sure.

Jo was suddenly pulled into Mrs. Schmitt's arms. She hadn't even realized the older woman had moved closer to her. Jo relished the contact and after a brief silence put her thoughts into words, "I'm too broken for him. And I don't know how to fix it. I'm so scared I'm going to hurt him."

Mrs. Schmitt pulled back and said simply, "Everyone gets hurt in relationships at one point or another. You just have to be willing to work through it."

"I didn't mean like that. Well, I mean, I worry about that too. But when I get upset I have no control and I don't know how to change that. What if I _hurt_ him, hurt him? Like I hurt Jason?" At Mrs. Schmitt's questioning look, Jo explained, "He grabbed me hard and I ... I"

"Honey, start at the beginning. Jason was starting to control you somewhat. Then what?"

"He," she stole a look at the living room. The boys were intently watching the game, which apparently had become intense. Jo lowered her voice just to be sure, "He found out about the homelessness and about me being a ward of the state and he exploded. He was so mad that I hadn't told him about that, but had told others." she again looked towards Alex, who was talking about last year's draft. "He was so belittling. Almost hateful. We started arguing all the time.

"One night it got really bad. I just felt I needed to get away. We had become so toxic. Really I just wanted to take a walk and have some space. He got angrier, said I couldn't leave. I was almost to the door when he grabbed me from behind. And then I was right back in the hallway being grabbed by Wexler and shoved in that closet." Jo was surprised that she hadn't broken down and even more surprised by how much lighter she felt. She looked appreciatively at Mrs. Schmitt, who seemed to understand her thoughts. "Is he still around?"

"Oh yes, he has a monitoring bracelet on his ankle just to be sure of it." At Jo's look of surprise, she elaborated, "He touched a girl who's uncle is an attorney over in Springfield." Jo slowly nodded and now felt she might cry. How many times had he gotten away with this?

"Why do you think he went after her? He always targeted the neglected kids before."

"She lived in those rough apartments over on Virginia Road. She had drug issues and had been in detention. He most likely didn't realize she was related to influential people." Jo nodded, suddenly feeling numb. "The police may be contacting you to talk about what happened. They are working on tracking down everyone..."

"I'm sure that's been hard to do," Jo said bitterly. Mrs. Schmitt rubbed her back as Jo laid her head on the table. She suddenly felt a strong urge to tell everything. "After he grabbed me I lost all control. I couldn't stop hitting at him and when he hit me back, it just fueled my rage. It wasn't just him I was hitting, it was everyone that ever mistreated me. Jason needed brain surgery after we fought. I hit him with such force he needed brain surgery!"

"You had a flashback dear of a horribly terrifying trauma. You were never given the resources to deal effectively with everything that happened and now it's catching up with you. This isn't all your fault. Have you gone to counseling yet?"

"A couple of times." Jo felt her brain was a jumbled mess. She had so many thoughts spinning around in her head and she couldn't make sense of any of them.

Mrs. Schmitt squeezed her hands and gave a loving smile. "Good. That's being proactive about things and that's all any of us can do."

Jo sat in the porch swing deep in thought. She repeatedly replayed her fight with Jason and considered how things could have been different. She had about decided that nothing at that time could have stopped things once he grabbed her. But she still felt primarily responsible for not stopping the relationship when she first sensed issues.

And now she was having doubts about her relationship with Alex. He was too good for her and deserved so much better. Jo pondered if they could go back to just being friends after this. She loved him too much to see him miserable, and she was certain if they stayed together he would never truly be happy.

But she was still just selfish enough to think about keeping things the way they were. Jo knew she needed him in her life. He was the only person in Seattle that really knew her and despite that knowledge could still stand to be around her. Jo was deeply weighing her options when Alex startled her. She felt herself jump slightly when he spoke. How the hell did he get so close without her realizing it?

"You okay? I've never seen you that jumpy." He slowly made his way over to her and sat down next to her on the porch swing.

Jo really didn't want to talk about her nervous state right now. "Well there are lots of ways you haven't seen me..." she said in her best seductive voice.

Alex let out a low moan, "Do you have to make everything sexual? You're killing me here."

"You're the one not putting out remember?" Jo teased as she elbowed him in the side.

"Ugh, remind me again why that was such a good idea."

Jo turned towards him in the swing and curled her left leg under her. "Thank you for giving me time and space. And also for knowing what I needed before I realized it for myself." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. When he turned to look at her she gave a sincere smile before a feeling of mischief washed over her, "I promise I won't make you wait forever. I just read about some moves in Cosmo that I want to try out with you."

Alex moaned again while rubbing his face, "What happened to Mrs. Schmitt?"

Jo snickered at the total change in conversation, "She is hosting a bridal tea today. She didn't tell me until this morning. She probably was scared if she told me about it we wouldn't come and wouldn't reschedule." Jo paused second and contemplated letting Alex in on her thoughts from earlier. "Can I ask you a serious question?"

"You can always ask me anything."

Jo smiled at this and took a deep breath to build up her courage, "Where do you see us going? Like long term, how do you see us?"

Alex looked surprised and worried. He drummed his fingers on his knees before responding, "Honestly?"

"I hear you're known for that." Jo winked at him in an effort to put him at ease. "It's just...I love you okay? But I don't know if I can give you everything you deserve."

Alex's eyes widened before he silenced her with a kiss full of longing and maybe slight desperation. His hands tangled in her hair as she grabbed the front of his shirt. He kissed her deeply for several moments before pulling back. "You are more than I ever freakin' deserved, okay? The way you stand by me. The way you look over the stupid, insensitive things I say. The way you make me laugh. God, I think I've laughed more this past year with you than the past five years combined and that's because you freakin' make me happy. Alright?" Alex let go of her face and sat back on the swing, looking straight ahead with a determined look on his face.

Jo sat in stunned silence. His small tirade helped, but she wasn't completely convinced, "But I don't know when I'll be capable of more..."

"Look, Jo, when I met you I had really about given up on ever finding someone to be serious about. I had built up all these walls and was happy just being alone. But then this year things changed for me and most of the walls came down. You are the main reason for that and I am so happy because of you. So now I'm focused on getting through your walls that recently got reinforced with concrete." He gave her a half grin and put his arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and listened to the swing creak as they slowly rocked.

"What if they don't come down?" she asked timidly.

"Then I'll get some dynamite," he said simply. They slowly rocked for a long time, each preoccupied with their own thoughts.

Jo very much wanted to give him something in return for all he had done for her this weekend. She tried to burrow closer to him. He seemed to understand her need for more contact and began rubbing her arm. "While you were out walking, did you notice the house down the street with the weird orange fence posts in the front?"

"Kinda hard to miss."

"I lived there for about a year and a half when I was younger. Probably around third grade because I remember working on my cursive there. Amy lived there too. Remember her from the picture I showed you?" Jo looked up in time to see Alex silently nod. He looked lovingly in her eyes as if quietly encouraging her to continue.

Jo relaxed back into his embrace and laid her head back on his shoulder. "Mrs. Patrick was our foster mother there. She was the best parent I ever had by far. She came to school functions, even the PTA meetings. She bought valentines for me to give at school, the only time I ever got to do that. She would always cook supper and we would sit at the table like families on tv did. She helped me with my homework especially my times tables. She's the first person that really recognized my talent in math. She told me I could do anything I ever wanted.

"Then one day she was cooking supper and she collapsed. She had been boiling peas and must have hit the boiler on the way down. She was burned pretty badly and we couldn't get her to wake up. Amy called 911. I felt so helpless, I just kept screaming and crying until the paramedics showed up. That's when I first decided I wanted to do something in the medical field.

"They took her to the hospital and she died a few hours later. The police came to the house and took us to the station until child services could come get us. We all were separated into new homes; the workers brought our things a few weeks later in the usual trash bags. I was sent to a family two towns over. I...I didn't even get to attend the funeral because my new foster parents said it was too far to drive unless they got paid mileage and the state wouldn't do that. I don't even know where she is buried." Jo exhaled a shaky breath and looked up at Alex who seemed to be struggling to contain his own emotions. "My story is full of sad chapters like that, and that one is far from the worst. It's... it's really hard for me to let people see that part of me, but I'm trying. . . I just wanted to let you know I'm really trying."

Alex hugged her tighter and kissed her temple, "I know you are. . .I know."


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Notes: Thank you guys again for all of your encouragement! I hit writer's block hard this week and your kind words really helped me blast through it so thank you!

This chapter is a little racy, but I don't think there's anything that the show wouldn't present. Hope that it is enough for those of you that have been asking for the steam!

I hope to start posting more often. This story kinda got away from me and I want to publish it all before the premier next month.

Disclaimer: None of this belongs to me, but oh how I wish it did!

******CHAPTER 8*********

Jo sat curled up on the couch surrounded by medical journals and copies of other articles while Alex was on the other end reading over notes from his research. He had recently started a clinical trial on sickle cell treatment for toddlers. She loved watching him so deep in thought and seeing the passion in his eyes for a cause near to his heart. She smiled as she admired how sexy he looked and reveled at the fact that she got to call him her boyfriend. She felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

She enjoyed how easily they had fallen into a routine together. They almost seemed like an old married couple. They finished each others sentences and seemed to sense what the other was thinking. They completed their morning and evening routines together as if they had been doing it for years.

But they still had not taken their relationship to the next level of intimacy. Alex had made it clear he wanted her to be ready and she now felt that she was. She just had to figure out how to make him believe that.

She had been going to therapy at least weekly and depending on her schedule she sometimes went twice a week. She felt lighter than she had in years and was starting to regain the hope that she had momentarily lost. She was also having fewer nightmares, which she firmly believed was because of how safe she felt with Alex near.

Since she had confessed to him that she slept better with him next to her, he had not left her side unless their schedules didn't align. The few times she had awoken with nightmares next to Alex, he had been able to quickly console her and help her relax again. She was quite proud that she hadn't experienced a single nightmare within the past two weeks even though Alex had not been with her several times.

But in all their time together in the same bed, he had not once tried to touch her unless she was having a nightmare. Usually he would say goodnight, kiss her quickly, and roll away from her.

Just like most couples that have been together forever: still very much in love, but missing a certain spark.

Jo knew Alex still saw her as a desirable woman. She would catch him from time to time giving her hungry and smoldering looks. And whenever she teased him in a sexual manner, he would appear frustrated and walk away. Plus she was pretty sure he was taking a lot of cold showers in the morning.

Jo realized that she had been reading the same paragraph repeatedly and still had no idea what it said. She decided she was not going to be of any help to his research tonight and closed the journal. "I'm tired, I think I'm going to go on to bed." She glanced at him to find him rubbing his face while looking at the notepad in his lap.

"Okay, I'll be up in a minute, I'm not getting much done tonight."

"Okay," Jo leaned over and kissed his cheek. Alex smiled slightly, but didn't look up from the notebook. Jo wanted to scream and probably would have if not for the fact that he had been restraining himself because of his concern for her emotional health.

Jo decided she would have to show him she was ready to move their relationship forward and show him in a big way. She smiled as she retrieved a bag from the bottom of her closet. She knew Alex's 'in a minute' really meant more like a half hour. She went the restroom to freshen up a bit as well as blow out her hair and put on a little makeup.

She quietly descended the stairs to find Alex in the same spot, only now he was watching the evening news. She leaned on the doorway with her right arm above her head and her left on her hip.

Alex still didn't notice her and she panicked as she hadn't stopped to think of anything sexy to say to get his attention. Crap.

"Hey Stud," she said in her best seductive voice. Well _that_ could have been better.

Alex glanced up at her and smiled before looking back to the television. His head then popped back up at her, and Jo thought his eyes might fall out of his head.

"See something you like? I got it at your favorite store, but they were all out of wings, sorry."

"Uh...uh, Jo...um...what are you doing?"

"What do you think? I'm waiting on my hot boyfriend to come to bed."

"What?"

Jeez he was so clueless it was cute. She walked towards him and sat on his knees facing him. "What part has you confused?" Jo leaned forward to place kisses on his jawline.

Alex had remained perfectly still with his hands flat on the couch cushions, "What?"

Jo pulled back and studied him, "Do you not like this?" She fingered the hem of the nighty she had put on and noticed his eyes had not left her face.

"No, no no no, it's...uh...no that's not it."

"Then what's the problem?" Jo whispered as she kissed his neck. When he didn't respond, she pulled back to look at him. "I'm trying to show you that I am ready to be with you. But if you're not that's okay. I'll just put this back in the closet and when you're ready I'll put it back on." Jo started to stand when Alex's hands found her hips and kept her on his knees. She noticed his eyes were no longer on her face and her heart began to do flip flops in her chest.

"No, no I'm ready. If you're ready, I'm ready."

Jo snorted, "I'm wearing sexy stuff, with makeup on, sitting on your lap, and saying I'm ready. What else do I need to do?" A mischievous grin spread across her face as she leaned down to kiss his neck again, "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it."

Alex once again pulled back. "What about all the girlie things? I wanted it to be special ya know? With candles, roses, wine, and crap. You deserve all that romantic stuff."

Jo tilted her head and smiled, "Roses have thorns, candles are a fire hazard, and well wine is just plain nasty." It thrilled Jo to see Alex start to smile with her. "And it will be special because it's you."

"You're sure that you're sure? Cause I swear once we start this I may not be able to control myself. So you're sure you are ready for this?"

Jo looked deep into his eyes and smiled. She brought her hands to cradle his face, "I'm very, very sure. Please stop worrying. I love you and I trust you and I'm ready to be with you." With that Alex kissed her passionately and they made their way upstairs.

Jo felt more at peace than she ever had lying in Alex's arms. She was half draped across his chest admiring his form in the soft moonlight. She was simply too happy to sleep. Everything with Alex had been perfect. She had always scoffed at people who referred to sex as making love, but now she completely understood. Everything that Alex had done showed just how much he loved and cherished her and her love for him had grown throughout the night. Making love indeed.

But it wasn't just the physical act, although that had been wonderful as well, it was the way he had held her. The way he had touched her, almost worshiping her. The way they had laughed and talked and teased each other throughout the night.

It was the way he had reacted upon finding the scars on her lower abdomen where she had been burned with cigarettes. She had tensed when his fingers lightly skimmed the area, not wanting her past to ruin this beautiful night. Alex had to have sensed this and instead of saying anything about it, bent down and blew raspberries on the spot causing her to laugh uncontrollably. Definitely making love.

Her fingers wondered across his rib cage until she found an uneven patch of skin. She had concluded earlier that the scar must have been left from his wound in the hospital shooting. She had heard people whisper about it from time to time in the hospital, but it still didn't seem real to her. A few months into her internship she did a Google search and was surprised to read that Alex was among the injured as he had not mentioned it to her and still hadn't. Jo was startled out of her thoughts by Alex's fingers lightly tracing her spine.

She looked up at him and smiled, "Hey you."

"Hey," Alex answered simply, his voice rough with sleep. He raised his head up slightly to place the sweetest of kisses on her lips.

"I didn't wake you did I?" Jo couldn't tear her eyes from his.

Alex chuckled slightly, "I think maybe the sound of wheels turning in your brain did. What's up?"

"Nothing, just too happy to sleep."

"And being happy makes you rub my scar?" Alex asked with a teasing note of disbelief in his voice. _Busted._

Jo continued to run her fingers over his ribcage. "Well that is why I was first awake, but after I found this again my mind started wandering. I guess feeling this just makes me even more thankful for you. I can't imagine making it through the past few months without you."

Alex suddenly shifted until she was beneath him. "We are definitely on the same page then." He leaned down and kissed her in a way that set her whole body on fire. He pulled back and caressed her face, "Are you sure you are okay?"

Jo struggled to keep her composure, "I have never been better in my life. You?"

Alex continued to caress her face with one hand while shifting to lie on his side, "Honestly, I don't know how I got so lucky."

Jo blushed as a huge grin spread across her face. She raised up to lie on her side and propped her head on her arm, "Thank you for waiting for me." She stared deep into his eyes and lightly ran her fingertips across his forearm, "I know it wasn't easy for you, but I really appreciate it." Jo's eyes dropped to the mattress, suddenly ashamed of how fragile she had been.

"Hey, stop." Alex forced her head up with his fingers on her chin. "I would have waited forever for you."

"Don't lie just to make me feel better."

"I'm not." Jo just shook her head and looked back down. She heard Alex sigh before asking, "You still don't see it do you?"

Jo looked up surprised, "See what?"

"Your worth," Alex said simply. Jo chewed on that for a minute before Alex continued, "For the first time in my life I have loved someone, and I mean really loved someone, without sex ever being part of the equation. And yes at times it was hard, but God Jo, I swear I would do it all again if that's what you needed. Because you are worth it. And just being with you is enough." Jo reached out and pulled Alex towards her to kiss him deeply. She ran her hands through his hair and savored the feel of his hands on her. His fingers lingered on her scars as they broke the kiss. "I could kill whoever did that to you," Alex said sincerely.

Jo gave a small smile, "I believe you, but to be honest I was too young to remember it so it doesn't bother me. . .I could beat whoever's ass did this to you." She grazed a spot on his upper thigh and tried to not let her anger intensify.

Alex gave a small laugh, "I bet you would, but I seriously doubt you ever meet my father."

"I'm sorry Alex. Wanna talk about it?"

"Not much to talk about. He was a miserable human being that beat his wife and did drugs instead of feeding his family. He usually didn't hit us, he saved that for my mom, but sometimes when he was drunk he would discipline to extremes." Alex shrugged his shoulders, "It could have been worse."

Jo caressed his cheek, "It sure could have been better. For the life of me I don't know how you managed to turn into such a good man with all the crap you went through."

"I guess the same way you did. . . although I can attest that you are _definitely_ not a man." Alex teased as his hand rested on her hip and his eyes darkened with desire.

"Oh you figured this out did you? Good assessment doctor. How far into your training were you when you learned the difference between males and females?" Jo teased with a small laugh.

"Shut up. We have important things to do," Alex said in a low voice as he rolled back on top of her and began to kiss her neck.

Jo smiled widely, "Yep, we have lots of time to make up for."

She could feel Alex smile against her skin, "I like the way you think."


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Notes:** Thank you all for your kind words and follows. I really just can't express how much I appreciate it. You guys are all so awesome!

I had no plans for a chapter like this when I first started this little project, but the more I wrote, the more I felt like they needed to have this chapter. I fully intend to post the next chapter by the end of the week fingers crossed

Again, thank you all for staying with me so far!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but my car, and it ain't worth much...

********CHAPTER 9******

"Full house, Avery. Read 'em and weep." Alex reached over to high five Jo, who was sitting on the arm of the couch beside him.

"It's not fair, she has freaky poker skills. Wilson, you gotta sit this out to make it fair."

"I'm not even playing!" Jo protested. "I'm just sitting here supporting my guy as he kicks your ass."

"Nah, you're counting cards or some other insider trick. I've played cards with Alex tons of times and he has never played this well."

Alex laughed as he gathered the cards off the coffee table to shuffle them again, "Whatever Jackson, I can win without Jo's help.

Jo nudged Alex on the shoulder and teased, "Watch out Karev, choose your words wisely or you may pay for it later."

"Whatever, I don't need you; I can win without your help." Alex snapped off. "Whose deal?"

Jo nodded her head and started to stand, "Fine, have it your way."

Cristina raised her hand eagerly, "I call dibs on the ponytail!"

"No, no, no, no nobody gets help. No cheating in this round." Jackson exclaimed as he started to deal the cards. "And no sitting across the room from him Wilson, I've seen how you two communicate with your eyes."

"Really? That's so sweet," April cooed.

Alex didn't respond and instead kept his eyes focused on Jackson's hands as he tossed cards across the coffee table. Jo felt hurt and angry by his attitude towards her today and throughout the past week.

"I'm gonna go order pizza then. Anyone need another drink?" Alex still didn't acknowledge her so she went to grab more beer for the other three before retreating for the kitchen.

Jo decided to make brownies to pass the time and contemplated what could have caused Alex's behavior to suddenly change. Again. Things had been going so well for them up until several days ago. He had then started snapping at her out of nowhere and being an overall jerk while other times he was the sweet, caring boyfriend she had gotten used to over the past few months. But a majority of the time he had been distant and almost cold. It had gotten to the point that she had even offered to cover shifts for others in order to avoid him at home. She couldn't help the little voice in the back of her mind trying to convince her that he had grown tired of her and their relationship. That fear was causing a knot in the pit of her stomach that wouldn't go away.

She was startled out of her thoughts by the back door slamming shut. Jo took a deep breath and tried to appear bright and happy, "Hi Dr. Grey, I wasn't sure you were going to make it."

"Well it was hard to get away from the kids, but no way was I giving up a night out. I haven't been out for fun since Bailey was born." Meredith went to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. "And while I'm here going through your fridge, call me Meredith."

"It's not my fridge," Jo stated quietly.

"What?"

"Nothing. . .nothing. The pizza should be here soon, everyone else is in the living room." Jo quickly busied herself with checking on the brownies in hopes Dr. Grey would move on to the poker game, but when she raised back up from the oven Dr. Grey was still there leaning against the counter.

"He can be an ass at times. You just have to learn its part of the package." Jo didn't answer and instead decided to wipe down the counter. "He'll come around; he just needs some space right now." With that Meredith turned to walk out of the room.

"I don't even know what I did." Jo said quietly as she focused on an invisible spot on the counter. "I keep going through the past week in my head and I can't think of anything that would make him this mad at me. Usually I know exactly what I've done to piss him off. And I'm trying my best to give him time to work whatever it is out and talk to me, but soon my patience will run out and I'm going to become an out and out bitch in return."

Jo looked up to see Dr. Grey smirking at her, "I like you Wilson, I like you a lot." She then started to walk out if the room before turning around slowly, "But just so you know, it's not about you. Try to give him a little more time and if that doesn't work I'll help you try to kick some sense into him." She gave a smile that crinkled her nose before going to join the others.

* * *

Alex was washing the last of the dishes when Jo walked in with the last of the garbage from the living room. He hadn't spoken to her since everyone left and had seemed lost in thought. Jo had been going over Dr. Grey's words to her and had decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. She figured she owed him at least that much after all he had done for her, especially if Dr. Grey was right that his behavior was not related to her. She noticed that he had finished the dishes and was leaning on the counter staring out the window, seemingly focused on nothing.

"Everything's cleaned up, I think I'm gonna turn in."

"Okay." His eyes didn't move from whatever spot in the yard he was focused on.

Jo walked up to him and kissed his cheek, "Goodnight." She was almost out of the kitchen when his voice made her stop cold.

"When did you start having feelings for me?"

Jo was confused and thrown off by the question, "What?"

Alex slowly turned towards her and gave her a small smile. "When we first got together and you told me you loved me, you said you had for a while. I was just wondering when you first started having feelings for me."

Jo's brows furrowed in confusion, but she attempted to answer the question, "Well really, as much as I tried to deny it, I had a small crush on you from the first time I saw you. You being a sexy beast and all." She smiled at him and he gave a small laugh. "Then that day you kept yelling at me for having throw up on my shirt, I really started having feelings for you then."

"Why? I was a jerk to you that day."

"Yeah, but still you really listened to me when no one else had. You trusted my instincts and helped me diagnose the patient when you had no obligation to do so. It was when I first saw through your jerky facade and saw the good guy underneath" Jo laughed slightly at the irony. "But I knew I was in trouble when, for whatever reason, I trusted you enough to blab about my past."

Alex nodded his head slightly, "But I was a jerk that day too."

Jo smiled, "Wonder what that says about us? So when did you first have feelings for me?"

"It was the doughnuts," Alex said with a grin.

Jo laughed and looked at him with wonder, "Really? That's what got you? Maybe I should smear powdered sugar on my face more often."

Alex laughed with her, "It wasn't just that, hot as that was, it was how you looked out for me throughout the day, how you were my personal cheerleader for that stupid competition with Jackson. And those insane math skills you've got. How you called me to the ER for help and fully trusted me...Should I go on?"

"Weeeeell you could. Or we could do other things." She had meant to use this as a bridge to have some adult fun with him, but his eyes dropped to his shoes and he didn't respond. Great. "I've got an early surgery so I'm gonna head to bed." Alex still didn't respond. Her frustrations were building until she remembered Dr. Grey's words again and decided to try a different method. "I love you, you know? If you're going through something I want to help Alex. Please let me help." When he still didn't react she disappointedly turned to leave him with his thoughts.

"Have I ever told you that I was married before?" Of all the things she was expecting him to say, that had not been on her radar. She turned and studied his eyes which seemed to convey an assortment of emotions. Jo thought she could see fear, hurt, and desperation in those depths. He also seemed to be pleading to her for understanding.

Jo walked back to the bar to sit in one of the stools. "Never when you were sober. You had mentioned her a couple of times after you had a few too many when we were just friends drinking together after work." She gave him a reassuring smile and patted the seat beside her. This had potential to get intense quickly.

Alex padded over to sit next to her, "God there's no telling what I said." He took a steady drink from his beer.

"Well the info I have is that she was a former model that had cancer, that she was once your roommate here, and she was a good cook. Oh, and that she was a great lay."

Alex sprayed beer all over the bar. "Crap, I said that to you? Jeez I'm such an ass." He folded his arms on the bar and laid his head on top of them.

Jo put one hand on his shoulder and rested her head there. Meanwhile, she rubbed his back with the other in an effort to soothe him. "Alex, relax, I don't care. You told that to me as a buddy when you were drunk, not as your girlfriend. Besides she doesn't get to have you now and I do, so all is good on my end."

Alex laughed slightly, "Do you want to ask me about her?"

Jo had hundreds of questions that had passed through her mind since he first told her about his ex-wife almost a year ago, but there was only one question that she needed answered today, "Why has she got you so upset now?"

Alex raised up and turned to Jo with heavy eyes, "I found out Monday she applied for a fellowship at the hospital. She has an interview scheduled for next week."

Jo's eyes widened in surprise. It was one thing for him to have a beautiful ex-wife out in the world somewhere. It was a completely different can of worms to have her in the same building. No wonder he had been acting so weird. "What specialty?"

"OB/GYN."

"Really? The Gyny squad? What is it with us and the pink scrub exes?"

This caused Alex to laugh, "I don't know, I hadn't thought about that...Listen, she's already talked to Meredith and is asking to have dinner or something with her, and me, and Yang, but that's up to you. If you don't want me to go I will stay far away from her." Alex looked sincerely into her eyes and squeezed her hand.

"How did it end?" Jo asked quietly suddenly wanting to know more.

Alex turned back away from her to stare out the window, "She mismanaged a patient's care that lead to their death. She was fired for it and thought I somehow had something to do with her getting the ax. She left a Dear John letter in my locker and left." Alex shrugged his shoulders and took another long swig of his beer before staring at the counter. "She came back a few months later and wanted to reconcile, but I didn't so I kinda sent her away."

Jo rubbed his thigh in an attempt to get him to look at her. When he finally did, she cupped his face lovingly. "You should go hang out with them if you want to. It might help you to have some closure, it seems like you're still pretty hurt by what happened." Alex started to protest, but Jo cut him off, "Alex, I'm serious it's okay, I don't mind. If I had been married and something like that happened I would probably still be struggling too."

"I'm not struggling, I'm over it." Alex said gruffly.

Jo snorted in amusement, "Alex, if that were true then news of her coming back wouldn't have affected you as much as it did this week."

"I've really been an ass, haven't I?"

"Oh, I fully expect you to make this up to me."

"How so?"

Jo stood up from the barstool and took his hand pulling him towards the stairs, "Oh I'm sure you'll think of something."

Alex stopped and squeezed her hand, "Would you come with me? To the dinner I mean."

Jo was surprised by the request, "You want me to meet your ex-wife?"

"Well yeah, if you want to."

Jo wasn't so sure she wanted to be there as the four of them talked about old times, but she could see that Alex really wanted her there. "Okay."

Alex pulled her into a tight embrace and kissed her soundly. "Thank you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Notes:** This is really, really long. Sorry for those of you that don't like long chapters. I didn't realize it had gotten this big until I transferred it to word. But yay for two updates in one week! I think that's a record for me…

I hope you guys won't be too disappointed in this chapter. I wrote several different scenarios but the others just didn't work. I'll put a note at the end about why I chose this way (don't want to spoil anything, lol)

As always, thank you from the bottom of my Jolex lovin' heart for your awesome reviews and encouragement!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. If I was in charge of Grey's Anatomy, we would have seen more of Alex's family by now. Just sayin'

********Chapter 10*********

Jo stormed the hospital hallways. This was without a doubt the worst day she had experienced in a while. All day long she had overheard nothing but wonderful things about Ms. Perfect Izzie Stevens and how she and Alex were meant to be. She had heard people gush about the perfect wedding and how Alex had taken such great care of his ex. The whole thing made Jo sick.

Of course the conversations quickly stopped whenever she walked up and people would look at her with pity. It was all driving her crazy.

To top it off she had been pulled into several surgical procedures with Dr. Bailey so she hadn't been able to see Alex all day. She was worried how he was handling all of this extra scrutiny, not to mention his anxiety about spending time with his ex-wife tonight.

She had just reached the locker room to change and noticed she was already fifteen minutes late for said dinner. She had stressed about what to wear ever since Alex had asked her to go with him. She wanted to look great, but appear as if she wasn't trying to look great. She had decided on a soft green sweater with dressy jeans and black boots. Nice, but not too much. She really hated that she was stressing this much about how she looked.

She quickly sent a text to Alex to let him know she was on her way and had started to take off her scrub top when her pager went off. She sighed and text Alex again to tell him she would be later getting there and ran off to find Dr. Bailey.

An hour later Jo entered Joe's bar and craned her neck to find her boyfriend. She soon spotted him with Dr. Yang on the far right side. She walked up and placed her hand on his shoulder, "Hey, is the party already over?"

"I wish. Watching snails race would be more fun than this." Dr. Yang clipped, clearly frustrated. Alex looked at Jo, but didn't respond.

"Where is everyone?" Jo asked clearly confused.

"Mer went to call Shepard to check on the kids. Izzie is in the restroom." Alex explained.

"For like the fortieth time. You'd think she was pregnant the way she keeps going in there." Jo noticed the angry warning glance that Alex threw her way, which Dr. Yang stubbornly ignored. "But now that hairball's here I can go elsewhere for no reason."

Jo laughed softly to herself as Dr. Yang walked away, "I don't know how you two haven't killed each other yet."

Alex kissed her cheek, "How was your day?"

"Still going I'm afraid. Dr. Bailey wants me to check on our patient with bile duct cancer hourly throughout the night. How has your day been?"

"Weird."

Jo gave him time to elaborate, but he sat silently and cleared the sweat off his beer bottle with his thumbs. "How has tonight been?"

"Awkward."

"I feel totally up to speed now," Jo teased as she grabbed a handful of bar mix.

"Well things are looking up now that you're here," Alex said as his fingers lightly grazed the inside hem of her jeans above her knee. She sucked in a breath and melted at the love and desire she saw in his eyes. If she didn't have to go back to the hospital in a little while she would be dragging his sexy ass home right now.

"So where is she? Surely she's not still in the bathroom." Jo turned around to look at the various patrons.

Alex turned to quickly scan the room and pointed out a tall blond leaning up against the bar talking to Joe. Alex quickly turned back around to nurse his beer again while Jo leaned back with her elbows resting on top of the elevated table to fully view the bar.

"She's beautiful." Jo said softly. Why did she have to be so gorgeous? Life really can be cruel sometimes. All her life she had battled with low self-esteem. Hell until Alex no one had really wanted her in her entire life including her own mother. Few had cared about her and most of them passed quickly in and back out of her life. She had finally become lucky in love and low and behold her boyfriend turns out to have once been married to the most beautiful woman she had ever seen in person. A damn real-life model. She was brought out of her reverie by Alex resting his hand on her hip.

"Hey, you are the hottest woman in the room. She doesn't matter." Jo watched as Dr. Stevens laughed and smiled with everyone huddled around the bar. She repeatedly looked towards them longingly until she noticed Alex's arm around Jo's front. Jo could tell the second the other woman realized that Alex's new girlfriend had shown up as her smile dimmed significantly. Jo took in her appearance and quickly noted that her dress hugged her curves in all the right places. Her hair was curled slightly and pinned up on the right side. Jo could tell she was wearing more makeup than needed and her jewelry was a little fancy for Joe's bar.

"She still wants you." Jo stated simply.

Alex's eyes flew open, "She does not, she just wants a job. A quick Internet search would have told her Mer and Yang are on the board now so she knows she needs to get back in their good graces. She's just trying suck up to get support and she couldn't very well leave me out of this little tit-for-tat cause that would be too obvious and piss them both off..."

"Oh Alex, I love you but sometimes you're so clueless." At that moment her pager went off. "Dammit it's bile duct guy. I gotta go. Just try not to sleep with her, okay?" Jo said teasingly while giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Alex stood up quickly and pulled her in for a deep and powerful kiss that made her toes curl. After several seconds he pulled back, "You have nothing to worry about."

Only now she felt like she did.

* * *

Jo silently washed her hands in the scrub room after another surgery with Dr. Bailey. She wasn't sure how she was still holding herself up. The day had been exhausting both mentally and physically. She couldn't wait to find a place to lie down and rest.

Somehow she had managed to focus solely on the patient's liver despite lingering concerns about Alex at Joe's with his ex and the constant chatter about the whole situation. She wondered if the surgical nurses were capable of talking about anything else.

She was rinsing off her arms when Dr. Bailey walked in and started to scrub. "Good job today Wilson."

Jo grabbed a towel to dry off, "Thank you Dr. Bailey. I enjoyed being on your service today," she said as she deposited the towel in the linen bin and started towards the door.

"Wilson?" Dr. Bailey started as Jo slowly turned to face her, "I haven't gotten the chance to work with you much but you show great promise," Jo smiled genuinely at Dr. Bailey, "I trust that the brilliance I saw today wasn't a fluke because you were mad about a boy."

Jo's eyes widened before darting to the window to look into the OR. "No, no ma'am, I..."

"I can understand why you would be upset, all these people talking about your man like he's the main character of some damn Victorian novel."

"I don't think..."

"Don't interrupt me when I'm trying to have a conversation with you. I don't typically do this, so zip it and listen."

"Okaaaay."

"You're trying to tell me that all that chatter about your boyfriend having a soulmate that isn't you doesn't bother you at all."

"Well I...well..." Jo unconsciously crossed her arms in front of her chest and couldn't think of anything to say.

"That's what I thought. Look, Karev has a good heart underneath all that rugged punk exterior. And when the woman he loved got sick, he did everything he could to care for her. And if, heaven forbid, something happened to you he would do the same and probably more. All people around here want to talk about is when things were good for them as a couple, they aren't talking about the bad stuff." Dr. Bailey walked past Jo to leave the room, "You should talk to Alex about what he remembers." And with that Dr. Bailey was gone.

Jo went to retrieve her cell and checked for missed calls or texts and was disappointed to see that she had nothing from Alex. She half considered calling him, but decided against it. She checked on her bile duct patient and was satisfied with his vitals. She then made her way to the nearest on call room to get some sleep. She entered the dark room and decided to crawl straight into the bed, but her feet became tangled in something on the floor. She reached back to flip the light switch and realized with pain and rage that it was the shirt and jeans Alex had been wearing earlier. Her eyes flashed to the bed where she saw the back of Alex's head and his bare shoulder.

"What the hell?" Jo thundered.

Alex sat up with a start, "Wha-, What?"

"What the hell are you doing undressed in a damn on call room?" Jo yelled as she threw Alex's jeans at him. Her eyes darted about the room suspiciously. "Where is she? Is she already gone?"

"Wha-"

"Shut up, just shut up! I can believe you would do this!" Jo suddenly felt her throat constricting with emotion. She turned to run out the room, but Alex jumped from the bed and closed the door Jo was about to run out of. She tried to open it again, but Alex's weight on the door was too much for her to budge. She bent over and placed her forehead on the door. Alex said her name repeatedly, but she couldn't listen to him. The sound of his voice made her sick.

She had tried to convince herself that his being married before didn't bother her, but in reality she had simply been unable to imagine Alex as a married man prior to today. Much less think about what his former wife might be like. And it had been so hard to hear others tell stories of him playing the part of a loving, doting husband to another woman. She had definitely underestimated their bond, and of course now that the wonderful Dr. Stevens was back he would resume their relationship. It only made sense.

She had lost him.

Jo was still leaning against the door with her hands covering her face when Alex started to rub her back gently. She turned towards him to begin slapping at his chest. "Let me out of here you son of a bitch, I don't want to look at you right now!" She whirled around and walked to the other side of the room and began pacing frantically, relying on every coping strategy Dr. Wyatt had taught her in therapy to keep herself from hitting Alex again.

She tried to convince herself that this was a dream or maybe she was having a hallucination brought on by the long work day and recent stress. Surely, she hadn't foolishly trusted someone fully just to be let down. Again. She realized Alex was no longer trying to talk to her, which caused her to glance his way. He was leaning against the door watching her carefully, worry etched all over his face.

"Can you please tell me what's going on here?" Alex asked, a hint of annoyance creeping into his voice.

"You're gonna stand there and tell me you didn't sleep with your wife..."

"Ex...EX wife." Alex clarified, his voice getting louder.

"Fine, ex, EX wife," Jo yelled mocking his tone. "You are gonna try to convince me you didn't do it with her after I left."

"No," Alex thundered, his anger rising.

"Oh so I'm not even worth an explanation. That's nice, real nice Alex." Jo then tried to leave out the door, but Alex caught her arm. "Don't touch me!" she yelled as she jerked away from him.

"Will you just give me five minutes?" Alex pleaded. "Please... If you still want to leave then okay, but please can we at least talk about this?"

Jo wasn't exactly sure why she relented, but gave a clipped "Fine" before retreating to the other side of the room.

Alex took a cleansing breath, "I didn't freakin' touch Izzie, okay? I would never touch her or anyone else for that matter while I'm with you. I haven't always been a faithful guy, so I get why you would doubt me, but I'm not that guy anymore. I thought you knew that."

"I do..." Jo started.

Alex became frustrated again, "Then why would you...?"

"Just try to see it from my standpoint, Alex. I knew about her, but I never really gave it much thought and I never imagined that I would ever actually see her. But now she's here and she's...she's everything I'm not. She's beautiful, engaging, funny, sweet. She makes people feel special. Eeeeeeverybody loves her."

"Not everyone," Alex interjected quietly.

"But you did at one time. I heard all about it. The way you stayed by her side when she was sick and shaved her head when the time came, the plastic wedding ring, how you ignored her advanced directive, your beautiful vows." Alex's gaze dropped to the floor reinforcing Jo's earlier thoughts about his relationship with Dr. Stevens. "Alex, I...I can't stand in the way of that if she can make you happier than I can."

Alex's head snapped up, "What?" he demanded in disbelief.

Jo took a steadying breath, "You two obviously had something very special and maybe you still do. I've had a lot of time to think about it today, and...and I want you to be happy Alex. More than anything in this world and… if she can do that then go. Please, go."

"She can't make me happy Jo," Alex said quietly, but firmly. "You do, she doesn't. And she won't ever."

"So you didn't sleep with her."

Alex rubbed his face and slumped onto the bed, "No, of course not."

"Then why do you only have scrub pants on, in an on-call room at 2:00am? You're not even scheduled to work tomorrow."

Alex smiled ruefully, "I wanted to see you. I knew your cancer patient was on this floor so you would probably crash here. I got sleepy, but the jeans are uncomfortable to sleep in so I put on the scrubs. End of story."

"Why did you want to see me?"

"God, I have to have a reason to drop in to see my girlfriend?"

Jo smiled slightly for the first time, "With the way you've been acting lately..."

"Have I really been that bad?"

Jo slowly started to walk towards him to sit next to him on the bed, "Well...yeah. You've just been like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde all week. I just have felt so off balance with you. And then that kiss at Joe's? It was like you were trying too hard to convince me we were okay."

Alex nodded his head in understanding, "That was more to convince me."

Jo tilted her head in confusion and waited for him to explain.

Alex exhaled powerfully and drummed his fingers on his legs, "I thought we were happy, Izzie and I. I thought I had been a good husband...It's actually really good for me to hear that people around here thought so too, that makes me feel...validated somewhat."

Jo took one of his hands and placed it in hers, silently asking him to continue. "We had been together twice before and both times had been disastrous. I...I cheated on her once and hurt her pretty bad." Jo squeezed his hand in silent support. "The next time she fell in love with a patient, but then the third time everything clicked you know? We were okay until she found the cancer. I...I took care of her the best I knew how. And when we didn't think she was going to survive I married her."

Jo nodded silently, "Did you love her?"

Alex glanced up, "Of course I did. I wouldn't marry anyone I didn't love."

Jo smiled slightly before nodding, "Of course you wouldn't."

"But to be honest, I don't know if I would have married her if it wasn't for the cancer thing. I mean, I'm not really the marrying type and I felt I owed her for not being able to help her more in the beginning when her symptoms first started. We thought she only had a few weeks left and she loved weddings soooo..."

"So you gave her one," Jo asked with wonder. "Alex Karev, that is one of the most romantic things I've ever heard."

Alex made a face of disgust before continuing, "All I did was show up in a penguin suit. Look, I don't know if we would have made it as a married couple, but I would have tried. I had strong feelings for her for a really long time and you know I don't give up easily. But...I thought we were fine and she just walked away. Left a note and walked away... It...it took me a long time to get over that. Hell even just last year I would get sad just thinking of her and I decided I would never get serious about anyone like that again. Then you happened. I guess what I'm trying to say is, all this stuff with her this week just reminded me of that pain and it scares me ya know."

Alex finally looked up to catch Jo's confused stare, "Scares you?"

Alex quickly looked away. "No one has ever stayed with me. The most consistent relationship I've ever had is Mer and she gets frustrated with me all the time. And I have a deeper connection with you than I ever did with Izzie. What the hell am I gonna do if it happens again?"

Realization suddenly dawned for Jo. He had been half pushing her away out of fear. Why had she not picked up on that before? "It would take a lot for me to leave Alex. A lot. You are a wonderful guy and it would take an idiot to walk away from you without a damn good reason. It sounds to me like she didn't trust you enough."

"That doesn't help all that much, you just had a fit because you thought I had slept with her. That doesn't really scream 'I trust you'." Alex pointed out gently.

Jo nodded her head in agreement. "That's fair. I guess with all of your weird behavior this week I believed you were getting ready to end this with me. The only person that's stayed around me consistently is my high school Home EC teacher and that's mostly through phone calls and emails. What does that say about me? This is all new for me Alex; I don't know what it's like to have someone hang around."

Alex leaned back against the wall, "God, we are so freakin' screwed up."

Jo laid down and rested her head on Alex's thigh. "Dr. Wyatt has been impressed by us if you can believe that. She thinks we are the poster childs for overcoming difficult pasts."

"That's just depressing." He began to softly rub her head with one hand as the other rested comfortably on her abdomen. She took the hand on her abdomen and began tracing the veins on the back of it while lightly stroking his fingers. "We have issues all the time."

Jo nodded her head in agreement, "But look at everything we've worked through. I mean maybe this week isn't the greatest example..."

Alex snorted, "Ya think?"

Jo smiled up at him, "Okay so this week we failed, but we've already overcome so much in a short amount of time. And I don't know about you, but I feel better about where we stand as a couple now than I ever have."

"You just thought I was sleeping around on you," Alex pointed out in disbelief.

Jo raised up and leaned on the wall next to Alex. "I'm sorry. That was more of my self-esteem issues than not trusting you. Plus I don't trust her; I mean she'd be crazy to not at least try to get back together with you."

Alex looked away, "She did. You were right, she came back to try to start over." Jo felt her heart drop. She wanted to scream and curse and run. Run far, far away. She felt Alex gently pull her head up so she was staring into his beautiful eyes, "Listen, I told her I had moved on and she should too and I meant that. I want you, Jo, and I really need to know if you want me too. I need someone who will stay and I think that's you but I need to know."

Jo turned fully towards him and pulled up onto her knees. She gently brought his face to hers and kissed him soundly. As her fingers played with the ends of his short hair she repositioned herself until she was straddling him. When they broke the kiss she pulled back to gaze into his eyes, "Oh that's me Baby, that's me. Wild horses couldn't drag me away from you as long as you want me."

"Promise?" he asked with a slight vulnerability that broke Jo's heart.

"Promise," Jo stated with as much confidence as she could convey.

Alex stared at her for a moment before slowly nodding, "Well alright then. But for the love, please don't start calling me 'baby' in front of people."

Jo stood up with a sly grin and walked to the door, "What about privately?" she asked before turning the lock.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay so I know a couple of you wanted to see Jo & Izzie together. I really did too, but I learned I am not the writer to do it. At least not yet. I realized that I still have too much anger towards Izzie's character to write that in a way that was realistic. In every version I wrote either Jo was too mean or Alex was too cold and I didn't feel that was fair to them. Maybe one day in another fanfic…


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Notes:** Thank you all for your kind words and insightful reviews. I just can't even describe how much it means to me. Truly, you guys are the best; I tear up all the time reading your sweet comments!

I didn't intend on writing this chapter, it's completely a result of the writer's block I had while writing Chapter 12. Plus, I had so much fun writing for Dr. Bailey I just had to do it again. So this is a light, fluffy installment before it gets dark again. And I mean really dark so get prepared. I'm still editing chapter 12; hopefully I'll get it posted by early next week at the very latest.

Oh and I am really clueless about medical stuff, so just overlook any mistakes in this chapter.

**Disclaimer:** I am in no way associated with Grey's, but if I was I would push for more Alex in the promos...

*******CHAPTER 11*********

Jo looked at Alex through the window of his hospital room. It pained her to see him lying in a hospital bed. She felt helpless and powerless, and she absolutely hated feeling helpless and powerless. It killed her to be away from him, but it agitated him to be crowded. She didn't know what to do and she resented him a wee little bit for always knowing what she needed while still remaining somewhat of a mystery to her.

She thought that he was asleep with his head tilted back at an odd angle, but soon realized that he was staring at the ceiling behind him. She decided it was time to break his concentration and walked into his room brightly, "So what's the verdict? Are there more ceiling tiles in here today?"

Alex raised his head and smiled at Jo, "Nope, no change."

Jo put her things down in the overnight chair and sat on his bed, "You know that's the definition of insanity right? Do I need to put in for a psych consult?"

"Har, Har." Alex rolled his eyes dramatically. "Glad you came to save my mental health."

Jo leaned in to give him a quick kiss. "How are you feeling? Were you able to eat anything today?"

"Much better. And I kept some jello and chicken noodle soup down at lunch." Alex stated proudly causing Jo to laugh slightly.

"Let me check your incision." Jo began rolling up his gown before he jerked the thin fabric back down.

"Ten people have already looked today, it's fine."

"Then why can't I?" Jo challenged as she again reached for the hem of the gown.

"You know what an appy incision looks like, right? Mine looks like that." Alex answered sarcastically while swatting at her hands.

"Aaaaallllleeeeexxxx! Come on, it will make me feel better." Jo whined dramatically.

"I don't have anything on under this. My underwear was rubbing on the stitches so I took them off and I don't want to be exposed for the world," Alex retorted.

"I'm the only one in here and I've seen it before." Jo defiantly pulled up the gown and gasped. "Alexander Karev, exactly _how_ did you pop your stitches?"

"You know sometimes stitches just don't hold well. Maybe it's a manufacturing defect or something." Alex quickly pulled the gown back down.

Jo narrowed her eyes at him and crossed her arms, "What time did Zola visit?"

"What?"

"Don't play dumb Alex, that girl is the only reason you would have done anything to pull like that!"

"She's not the only reason," Alex said pulling Jo towards him as he gave a smoldering look. He raised up slightly to kiss her, but grimaced slightly in pain. Jo noticed immediately and quickly backed away.

"Alex! Good grief take it easy, you don't want to be here longer do you?" Jo exclaimed as she gently pushed him back to the bed and busied herself with readjusting his pillows and sheets, "You're so stubborn. Why..."

"Look who's talking! Miss I-don't-need-anyone-and-can-take-care-of-myself" Alex said mocking her usual tone. Jo almost laughed at how childlike he was acting.

"Whatever jerk, I don't say that. And I'm not the one lying in a hospital bed because I refused to have a CT for horrible abdominal pain."

"The pain wasn't that bad," Alex protested crossing his arms defensively.

This time Jo couldn't contain her laughter as she picked his dirty clothes up off the floor to place in a bag to take home, "Oh sure, a leaking appendix is never painful." Jo responded sarcastically. "You just didn't want to let people know you were in pain tough guy, just admit it."

"It really wasn't..."

Jo sat down on his bed again and lightly rubbed his chest, "If you're honest, I'll make it worth your while."

"Oh really?" Alex's eyes danced with amusement and happiness. "Better pull the curtain then cause the pain was bad...real bad," the tone of his voice had dropped to a level that was causing butterflies in her stomach.

"Oh you are bad, real bad," Jo said softly as she leaned in to kiss him. She loved seeing a smile on his face especially after the chaos of the past few days. As she pulled back she caught a glimpse of his monitor and laughed slightly, "Your heart rate just jumped up. Better wait until you heal fully before we have any more fun."

Alex groaned, "This sucks."

"Are you in pain? I'll go get a nurse." Jo started to stand up from the bed.

Alex grabbed her hand, "No, no I'm not in pain. I just had some pain medicine before you got here." Alex was quiet for a second before adding sincerely, "I missed you."

Jo smiled and sat back down on the bed, "I really missed you too. I got bored last night and cooked up a storm so you'll have plenty of stuff to choose from when you get home...are you still getting discharged tomorrow?"

"Yep, or I'll leave AMA. What kind of food?"

"You leave AMA and you won't have a ride home, I'll make sure of that. And I will also give away your lasagna, potato soup, and _especially_ the banana cream pie."

"You didn't." Alex looked hopeful.

"Even better, I snuck some past Dr. Bailey," Jo smiled mischievously and went to her bag to retrieve the small throwaway container and a spoon.

Alex eagerly took the dessert from her and dug in. His eyes fluttered closed as he swallowed the first bite. "Wow. I mean the first one you made was good...but this freakin' amazing."

"I would hope so, I got the recipe from the owner of that bakery you love," Jo explained with a touch of pride.

Alex studied her face carefully, "You cried on her, didn't you?"

"Of course I did. Is it worth it?"

Alex took another bite and answered with his mouth full, "Totally."

Jo laughed and laid down on the bed. She quietly watched him eat the pie with great satisfaction. When he was done he settled back on the pillows and readjusted the bed angle so they were lying flatter. She turned onto her side and put her hand on his chest giving off a small sigh of contentment.

"You didn't sleep last night did you?" Alex asked with great concern.

"Am I that obvious?" Jo asked not bothering an attempt at lying or glossing over the truth.

"It is to me at least." Alex said gently as he turned off the overhead light with his bed controls. "Try to sleep here with me."

She smiled and saw no reason to protest.

* * *

Jo was awoken from a wonderful dream by the loud beeping of Alex's IV pump. She sat up quickly thinking that she had fallen asleep on the job before she remembered Alex's surgery. She gazed down at him sleeping peacefully and admired how he seemed to be smiling in his sleep. The alarm sounded again and she gingerly slid off the bed to not disturb him. She was turning off the alarm when Dr. Bailey stepped into the room.

"Wilson, what are you doing?" Bailey somehow managed a threatening tone in a whisper.

Jo's eyes widened in surprise, "Just shutting off the alarm so it won't wake him. I was about to tell the nurse he needs another bag." Dr. Bailey nodded her head approvingly and stepped out the door to summon a nurse who quickly came in. "Should we be concerned that he's sleeping through the alarm? I mean he usually sleeps lighter than this." Jo asked worriedly.

"I just gave him a shot of pain medicine about forty minutes ago. I came in to check on him and he told me he needed some," the nurse volunteered. "You were sound asleep and he didn't want to wake you." Jo held onto Alex's hand and stared happily at him. The nurse changed the antibiotics out and quietly left the room.

Jo felt eyes on her and turned to see Dr. Bailey standing on the opposite side of the bed smiling at her and Alex's hands. However, as soon as Dr. Bailey noticed Jo staring at her she looked away and started charting while mumbling something under her breath.

"I'm sorry Dr. Bailey, I didn't hear you."

"What? Oh, nothing. You weren't supposed to hear that." At Jo's questioning look, Dr. Bailey sighed and explained, "I was thanking God for an answered prayer." Jo looked even more confused so Dr. Bailey elaborated, "When you have your intern babies longer you'll understand. You feel responsible for them somewhat and you want them to excel at being a surgeon and as a human being. You want them to be happy and healthy. I want that for all the interns I've helped to bring up, but this one here...I worry about him most." Jo still looked perplexed. "I was thanking God for you because now I don't have to worry as much...but Wilson if you breathe a word of this to anybody..."

"Oh I won't. No one will believe me anyway," Jo said with a huge grin on her face. "Thank you," she added sincerely.

Dr. Bailey smiled seemingly pleased with herself before turning towards Alex who had stirred slightly. Dr. Bailey reviewed his most recent labs and explained he could be discharged tomorrow if everything still looked within normal range.

She started to leave, but noticed the small food container and a used spoon on the bedside table. She turned back to Jo and Alex holding up the evidence, "Who defied me to bring contraband into this room?"

Jo and Alex glanced at each other before Alex volunteered, "One of my visitors today must have had that and accidentally left the container behind." He gave his best innocent smile.

"Shut it Karev, you're a terrible liar. Wilson, what part of don't bring anything special into this room did you not get?"

"Good food helps with the healing process and..." Alex tried to interject.

"Hush, you had your chance to speak and you chose to lie so zip it. Wilson, I'm waiting."

"Well he hasn't been keeping any of this hospital garbage down, I figured it could only help. I mean he has been really,_ really_ sick." Jo said in a sympathetic tone.

"So very sick Dr. Bailey. Painfully sick." Alex added while trying to seem pathetic.

Dr. Bailey gave a small grunt, "Wilson, it rewards the moron for being a moron. Do you want to care for a moron who does moron things all the time? Cause that's what will happen if you enable his moronic ways."

"I'm sitting right here," Alex protested.

"I know you are, you need to hear it. Walking around a hospital with staff and equipment capable of making a quick diagnosis of appendicitis and me available to remove the offending organ laparoscopically and what do you do? Ignore all of that and walk around letting your intestines get infected resulting in a longer hospital stay and greater recovery time. Moron. No more homemade treats for you. Wilson, am I clear?"

As Jo nodded her head Dr. Bailey exited the room. "Well I guess that's my cue to go." Jo said laughing slightly.

"Why aren't you staying?" Alex asked with a slight pout.

"Do you not remember telling everyone to give you some space last night so you could rest?" Jo asked smiling.

"What? That didn't include you! Do you think you're on the same level as Kepner? Is that why you left?" Alex asked incredulously.

"Well...yeah. I had been here for two whole days, I thought you were asking for some time alone."

"I don't ever like being away from you." Alex said simply as he pulled back the covers for her.

Jo smiled as she climbed back into the bed and kissed his cheek, "Me neither."

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Alex asked quietly.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," Jo said sincerely.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's notes:** So this is dark. Like really dark. Just skip this chapter if you don't like reading that kind of stuff. There's nothing graphic, but sexual abuse of a child is referenced. I feel that Jo had something horrific happen to her based on the 9x23 scene before the tree ("The last time someone grabbed me like Jason did...") At this point I feel she was a victim of sexual assault. I hope I'm wrong about that, but it would make sense given the statistics for foster youth in the U.S. I had to include this chapter since that statement by Jo was the inspiration for this whole fic, but if you don't want to read this chapter, I completely understand.

On a lighter note, can I just say the scene with the tree is one of my favorite scenes in all of GA history. Everything was perfect, the lighting, the music, their looks, Alex was hot... But I feel it brought him full circle from Izzie telling him in season 2 he wasn't good enough for anybody to Jo pretty much telling him he was an exception to the rest of humanity because of his goodness. Oh the feelings!

Also, there were some questions about why I brought Izzie back for the story & I addressed that in the reviews if interested...

Again thank you all for your amazing support. You guys are awesome!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. I guess I should take ownership of Wexler, but I really don't want to.

******CHAPTER 12********

Jo's hands lightly drummed her thighs as she looked around Dr. Wyatt's office in silence. She had decided to let Alex in on some of the roughest aspects of her past today. She had felt so sure, so confident that she was ready for this, at least until she was walking to the appointment. Her legs had felt so heavy it was almost as if she had sandbags tied to her ankles. Now her hands wouldn't stop sweating and she felt as if she couldn't get enough air in her body.

"It's fifteen minutes past Jo. Would you like to use our time to talk about something else?" Dr. Wyatt asked gently.

"No. He'll be here," Jo said shortly.

"I didn't mean to imply he isn't coming. But we could use the time for other..."

"He's coming. He said he would be here so he'll be here. Just wait," Jo bit off annoyed.

Dr. Wyatt paused for a moment before asking, "Does he know what we're planning to do today?"

"I told him I wanted him here as I talk about some rough things from my teenage years. He's not going to flake. He. Will. Be. Here." Jo gritted out with a slightly raised voice.

At that moment Alex rushed in with an apologetic smile and plopped down on the couch beside her. "Are you okay? I could hear you out in the hall," he said gruffly, but Jo could hear the concern under his tone.

Jo smiled at him and squeezed his hand, "I'm fine." She turned towards Dr. Wyatt to give a sarcastic grin. "Told you he'd be here."

"Sorry, my last procedure had some complications at the end." Alex said with a small grin. "What'd I miss?"

Dr. Wyatt leaned forward to speak directly to Alex. Jo tried to get comfortable, but it felt as if a giant elephant was sitting on her chest. "Alex, Jo has made exceptional progress in therapy. She has been able to identify events from her past that have led to poor functioning in the present. We've been processing several of these situations and Jo has become increasingly comfortable in talking fully about these events."

Alex turned to Jo and gave her a proud smile while giving her hand a quick squeeze. She momentarily felt more relaxed until she heard Dr. Wyatt finish, "Jo feels ready to divulge some of this to you and wanted some support to do so which is why you are here."

Jo noticed Alex tense as he swallowed nervously. "Okay," he said hesitantly and looked over at Jo to give a nervous smile. Jo gave a small smile in return and squeezed his hand.

"I want to be clear though before we begin. This is going to change your relationship. How it changes depends on the two of you. I recommend increasing sessions and Alex I am suggesting you have some sessions independent of Jo for you to process this and learn ways to cope." At Alex's nod of affirmation, Dr. Wyatt looked at her, "Whenever you're ready Jo."

Jo took a deep breath and looked at Alex, who had a look of complete trepidation on his face. Jo could feel a look of pain take over her countenance and her chin start to tremble as she whispered, "I'm so sorry, Alex." She then took another steading breath as everything came pouring out.

"When I was in junior high, I would have sex with anyone that paid me any attention," Jo looked up horrified that this is what came out first. Dr. Wyatt gave her an encouraging smile as Alex lightly rubbed her knuckles with his thumb. She couldn't force herself to look at him, but turned in his direction and smiled while looking at their hands.

"I thought that's all I was good for. I kept getting thrown away by all these different families and I had already been touched inappropriately by several people so I didn't see anything of value in myself other than spreading my legs." Jo cringed at the vulgarity of her words and took a sip of water to calm herself.

"Right before I turned fourteen, I was sent to a group home for girls. Most were promiscuous, so I fit right in. But the staff was great and they really changed how I saw myself. They made me believe that I could be lovable. That I had potential for greatness as more than just a sex object. I swore off sex and really focused on my academics. I was so determined to get far, far away from there and start fresh and I knew my only chance of that was to get a full scholarship to college. I really started to excel. A lady in the church I attended was so proud of my progress she gave me her old Oldsmobile when she bought a new car.

"I did so well my therapist and social worker believed I was ready to try again in a foster home. I was placed with this couple that was really sweet, but flaky. They never remembered to buy me stuff I needed or give money for me to get it including school supplies. I started bumming paper and pens from classmates, but they got tired of me asking. My grades started to slip. I had a project coming up and needed a poster board. I panicked and decided to steal some supplies from the school store.

Jo looked up at Alex to see his reaction and his look of concern for her tore at her heart. She took another sip of water and exhaled a shaky breath. "You are doing great, Jo. Just take your time," Dr. Wyatt smiled gently as Alex again squeezed her hand.

Jo began drumming her fingers on her thigh again as she continued, "I got caught taking the supplies by the Biology teacher, Mr. Wexler. I knew I was done for. A suspension would kill my hopes at a scholarship plus I wasn't sure how my foster parents would react. I didn't want to change schools because that would most likely affect my grades." She glanced again to Alex who was nodding in understanding. Once again she was grateful that he understood this part of her past so well.

"Wexler offered to not report me in exchange for sexual favors. I...I didn't want to, I swear I didn't want to, but I was so focused on getting the hell away from there I would do anything to keep my plan alive. I thought it would just be once, but he kept using the stealing to get more from me. It went on throughout the school year with him asking me to do more and more things with him. I thought about reporting him, but I knew no one would believe the promiscuous foster kid over the respected teacher."

Jo realized with surprise that Alex was still holding her hand. She tried to keep the anger and pain out of her voice as she fought back tears, "One day I got up the courage to tell him I wouldn't be doing anything else. I was so proud of myself for ending it and a week later I met with the school counselor, who had told me that I had nailed the SAT. I was flying so high and was so happy leaving her office I didn't notice him until he was grabbing my arm from behind and pulling me into a media closet. He had this crazed look in his eyes and said that I couldn't say no to him. I did, I yelled it, but the room was too insulated for anyone to hear me. I tried to fight him off, but he was too strong. He...he brutally raped me that day.

"I hid in a bathroom stall for the rest of the school day. When I thought the coast was clear, I came out and ran into Mrs. Schmitt. She got the story out of me and went to the principal's office with me to report it, but Wexler had already gotten there and reported me for the stealing. It made me look like even more of a liar.

"By the time I got home, the principal had already called my foster parents and I overheard my foster mother talking on the phone to the caseworker asking for me to be moved the next day. My social worker at the time was lazy and never made visits so I devised a plan to put a stop to the whole foster care roller coaster. I packed my things overnight and put them in the car. I told her foster mother the next morning that my caseworker had called and arranged to meet me after school and I said my goodbyes. When I got to school I had a friend act as my foster mother and leave a voicemail for the caseworker that they had changed their mind about having me move. I knew she wouldn't follow up if she didn't have to move me and I was right.

"Mrs. Schmitt offered for me to stay at her place when she realized I was living in the car, but I was done depending on anyone. I got a job at a fast food restaurant so I could eat on the weekends and have money for necessities. I got a full scholarship with room and board and I didn't look back. I went to therapy once I got to Princeton, but only learned how to bury everything deeper instead of dealing with it. Which had worked great for me up until that fight with Jason," Jo laid her head on the back of the couch and exhaled.

There was a brief silence before Dr. Wyatt asked gently, "Alex is there anything you would like to ask or anything you want to say?"

Jo glanced over at Alex, who was staring at the coffee table looking quite pale. He looked up at Dr. Wyatt and was struggling to speak when the clock chimed. "Oh, I guess our time is up," Alex stated as he started to rise.

"Alex if you'd like to stay longer we can talk a little..." Dr. Wyatt offered.

"No. I mean, Jo needs you. I'll be at the car whenever you're done," he directed at Jo, but did not look her way. He quickly fled the room.

Jo stared at the closed door feeling as if her world was shattering. "Jo, don't take this personally," Dr. Wyatt stated gently. "Remember what we talked about last week?" Jo slowly nodded her head. "For him it's as if this all just happened. He will feel emotions as if you came home from work and told him you had been attacked: anger, pain, sadness, guilt. Don't be surprised if he withdraws over the next few days to process what he has learned." Jo looked up to acknowledge understanding and quickly walked out of the office.

The ride home was made in complete silence. Painful silence. Jo stole a few glances towards Alex, but the look of heartbreak on his face made her sick at her stomach. It killed her to know she had done this to him. She wanted so badly to talk to him and justify her actions, but she had no idea what to say. So instead she stared out the window to admire the people along the street who seemed to not have a care in the world.

Lucky bastards.

As soon as he parked the car in the driveway, Alex announced he was going to take a walk and left without waiting for a reply. Jo walked into the house feeling exhausted and defeated. In one short hour she had sabotaged her entire life and had no idea how to fix it. She had wrecked her relationship with her boyfriend, who was also her best friend in the world. She briefly considered calling Mrs. Schmitt for support, but didn't want to give her a reason to think anything negative about Alex. Calling anyone else would require explaining her history which she was completely unwilling to do. She suddenly felt sick at her stomach and ran quickly to the restroom to throw up her lunch. She then shakily walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water and decided to put her nervous energy into cleaning the baseboards.

* * *

Jo laid curled in a ball on the couch with only the sound of her sobs breaking the dead silence of the house. She had kept the tears at bay until about thirty minutes ago when the full magnitude of the day finally hit her. It was now two in the morning and Alex still had not come inside. She had gone out around nine o'clock to check on him and found him sitting on the curb in the front of the house. She offered to bring him food, but he shook his head in response without speaking or turning to her.

She had ruined him and their relationship just like she had predicted she would in the beginning. She thought back on everyone who had ever told her she was crazy, broken, or trouble from one of her Kindergarten teachers all the way to Jason and bitterly thought how right they all were.

Her thoughts were broken by the sound of the back door opening. Jo wiped at her face then closed her eyes as her heart started beating wildly with anxiety. She didn't want Alex worrying with her if he wanted to go straight to bed. He obviously wanted to be left alone and she would respect that.

She felt Alex's presence in the room before she heard him sigh. She listened to his soft steps as he quietly walked towards her. He stopped right at the couch and remained there in silence for so long she decided he was most likely considering how to kick her out for good. She was glad that she packed most of her things while he was outside so when he did break things off it wouldn't be as drawn out.

It started to feel as if he would never move but then he pulled the throw off the back of the couch to cover her with it and gently tucked the fabric under her. He then hesitantly pushed some hair out of her face and whispered, "I love you Jo," so softly Jo wasn't sure if she heard him correctly. He bent down and kissed her cheek just as a tear escaped from her eye and fell off the bridge of her nose. "God baby I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry," he said as his hushed voice cracked with emotion.

Before Jo could stop herself she sat up and blurted out, "What do you have to be sorry for?"

Alex jumped back as his eyes flew open, "Jeez you're awake?"

"Of course I am, you don't really think I would drop that big of a bomb on you and then sleep soundly knowing you were struggling do you?" Jo asked hoping he really didn't feel she could be that cold-hearted.

"Then why did you act as if you were asleep?" Alex asked bewildered.

"So if you wanted to go straight to bed without speaking you could. I didn't think you would come over and start giving mea culpa. Alex please, will you tell me what's going through your mind?" Jo reached for his hand, but he jerked back as if she was poisonous. Jo's head dropped in shame and hurt. "I told you I would mess this up," she said as another tear escaped.

"What? How can you say that? You've done nothing wrong!" Alex asked incredulously with a raised voice.

"I have wrecked us, Alex! Do you think we will ever be the same? I can't take it back, I can't turn back the clock, I can't make it disappear. You are never going to see me the same way and that's my fault. You can't even be near me or touch me and I can't blame you for that. God, I'm so disgusting." Jo cradled her head in her hands and began sobbing again.

Her short, shallow gasps of breath echoed in the otherwise silent room. Her throat felt raw and her eyes burned. She then felt Alex tentatively put his hands on her knees. She looked up to see him kneeling in front of her, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Jo, if anything you seem more incredible to me now than you did when we woke up this morning."

"Don't lie to make me feel better Alex; I'm no better than a common whore. I know it and you know it, you can say it," she spat bitterly.

"Jo, you were still a child when all of that happened despite how fast you had to grow up. There are reasons that statutory rape laws exist." Alex pointed out gently.

"I had a choice..."

"Stop it, you did what you thought you needed to do to survive. Everyone in your entire freakin' life had caused you to not trust people and based on how they reacted to what happened you were right. Somehow despite all of that you persevered and made something of yourself. Do have any idea how strong you are? How incredible? You are not disgusting, far from it. And I hope this thing with us isn't messed up, but if it is...that's totally on me."

Jo's eyes snapped back to his face, "What does that mean?"

Alex took a deep breath, "I shouldn't have run out on you like I did today...twice. That was douchy of me and you deserve so much better than that."

Jo rubbed the back of his hands that were still resting on her knees, "Alex, you need time to sort this out. I dropped a lot on you today, it's normal to take some time just to digest it all. Really, I understand that and it's okay."

"It's not okay. But even worse...I...God Jo, I have taken advantage of you too...I'm no better than those assholes..."

Jo fiercely cut him off, "What the hell Alex, how could you possibly think that? There is nothing about you that is like them, nothing at all!"

Alex stood up quickly to back away from her, "I've made you do things over the past several months." At Jo's blank look, Alex looked down to the floor and added, "We've been going at it like kinky bunnies, you can't tell me that was good for you."

Jo felt nauseous as she stood and walked to stand in front of him. It killed her to know this is what he had been feeling while sitting outside alone for hours. She gingerly grabbed his face so he would look at her, "Alex, have I ever seemed to be fighting you off when we're together?"

"No, but..."

"No, I haven't. Have I ever told you no and you ignore it?"

"No...but would you feel comfortable telling me no if needed?" Alex asked, his voice thick with emotion.

"I would. If there was something I didn't want to do or if I felt uncomfortable in any way, I would tell you, and I feel sure that you would listen to me, right?"

"Of course I would," Alex said quickly. "But, Jesus Jo, I was also your teacher, I've pulled you into closets for sex, I'm sure I've done other things that had to be horrible reminders for you, I..."

Jo cut him off by throwing herself into his arms and hugging him closely. She repeatedly repositioned her arms to hold him tighter especially when she realized he was not hugging her back. She suddenly had a frightening realization that this conversation would make or break them. She could feel her hands start to shake with overwhelming anxiety. "Alex please listen to me when I say that you have done nothing wrong. Nothing. You've been a perfect gentleman, a good man, and a wonderful friend. You have taught me how to trust a man, and what real love is. You are perfect for me. Nothing you have done or could do will ever compare to the people that abused me. _Nothing_." When Alex didn't respond Jo hugged him tighter. This time she felt his arms hesitantly circle her waist just as she felt wetness on her shoulder from his falling tears. She felt a surge of courage before adding, "Before you, I would sometimes enjoy sex in the moment, but after it was over I would feel so ashamed and empty, almost as if a part of me was dead. But with you...with you I feel complete and content and safe. And that's because of how you love me Alex. It's all because of you."

At that moment Alex began squeezing her tightly. They stood that way for a while before Alex's voice broke the silence, his voice full of tears, "I love you Jo, more than I ever thought possible." He then kissed her hair behind her ear.

Jo couldn't contain her emotion any longer and cried out with sobs. She struggled to get air into her body through her tears. Alex squeezed her tightly once more before bending to pick her up and carry her upstairs. Jo fisted his shirt in her hand and buried her face in his chest. She tried to calm down, but the relief she felt was too great. Alex gently laid her on the bed and took off her shoes. He tucked her in carefully and gently wiped her tears before kissing her forehead. Jo had calmed enough to squeak out, "Thank you."

Alex smiled slightly and rubbed her upper arm, "Thank you for trusting me today. Now try to rest, you've got to be exhausted." Alex stood and grabbed a few items from his dresser before heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" Jo asked with confusion as she sat up.

"I'm gonna sleep downstairs so you can have some space," Alex said simply. Jo nodded silently and looked down at the bed. "What's wrong?" Alex asked concerned.

"I thought you were going to sleep with me."

Alex came back to sit on the edge of the bed. "I can't Jo, I just can't. It may take a while before I can do stuff like that you know?"

Jo laughed slightly, "You think I'm asking for sex? I've got issues Alex, but I don't have them _that_ bad. I'm asking you to sleep here with me and hold me. I'm sure I will have nightmares tonight."

Alex snorted in a self-depreciating manner, "Oh, my bad. Of course I will if you're sure you want me here." At Jo's vigorous nod, he kicked off his shoes and stripped to his boxers and undershirt before slowly climbing into bed with her. Jo turned towards him and rested her head on his chest. Alex rubbed circles on her back and kissed the top of her head as they drifted off to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Notes:** Big thank you to you guys for your support on the last chapter! I was so nervous to post that, but you guys really made me wonder why I was ever anxious about it in the first place. So big hugs to the greatest readers ever! You all constantly brighten my days!

I know there are probably some of you that were not able to read the last chapter, so I wanted to give you all something for this week. For those of you that did read the last chapter, I'm sure you need some happy reading :)

**Disclaimer:** If I had any stake in Grey's Anatomy, there would be at least a hint of Jolex in the promo material. I mean really…

******CHAPTER 13*******

Jo pushed herself harder as she sprinted up the last hill of her run. She focused on her breathing and the even beats of her feet hitting the pavement. Her lungs burned with the effort and she welcomed the pain. Things had been so chaotic lately she hadn't had the opportunity to run regularly and she had really missed the time to de-stress and let her mind roam.

Today she was excited about the weekend trip she had planned with Alex. Things had been so wild for them lately, they had both almost missed their anniversary. Truth be told, if it wasn't for news specials commemorating the year anniversary of the superstorm, it probably would have passed without either of them realizing it. When Alex had suggested a weekend getaway, she really thought he was joking. The whole concept of an anniversary trip was totally un-Alex, but the idea thrilled Jo. And the past year was worth celebrating in a big way. Both felt that it was a miracle they had made it.

After Jo told Alex about the worst of her past, they struggled for a bit. Both participated in therapy and talked to each other about everything they were thinking: the good, bad, and ugly. They had struggled sexually for a while, but each had been patient and willing to talk about what they were feeling. They had just recently gotten back to the comfort level they had with each other before her confession. However, the whole ordeal had made their bond so much stronger.

Alex had stubbornly insisted on going with her to Wexler's trial and stayed in the courtroom for hours as she testified about everything in horrifying detail. The next month she stubbornly insisted on going with him to Iowa when his mother had to be placed in a group home. Alex had later opened up about many aspects of his childhood that broke Jo's heart.

They had definitely earned a fun getaway.

Jo turned onto their street and slowed to a walk to cool down. One of the neighborhood kids they were fond of had wrecked his bike again causing the handlebars to be misaligned with the tires. Jo stopped to fix the bike and again encouraged the boy to be careful. As she walked up the drive she noticed Alex had raised up from the car's engine to greet her. He had on a form-fitting tank top and some worn-out jeans with a small amount of grease smeared on his face and hands.

He looked sexy as hell.

"What's wrong with the car?" she asked concerned.

"Nothing, just wanted to make sure everything was okay for our trip tomorrow." He pulled her close and kissed her deeply. "You stink," he said with a smirk.

"Well you're no bouquet of roses either," she shot back as she hoisted herself to sit on the retaining wall and took a drink from his beer.

Alex leaned back onto the wall beside her as he wiped his hands on a rag. "Help yourself," he said cheekily. He then nudged her thigh and pointed down the street, "Ten bucks says we're resetting the kid's arm before the end of the summer."

"Twenty says he's in the ER before we get back from our trip," Jo countered while drinking more of his beer.

Alex laughed slightly, "Our kids will probably be just like him if not worse."

Jo almost choked on the beer. "You've thought about what our kids will be like?" she asked disbelievingly.

Alex turned to face her while still leaning on the retaining wall, "Well...yeah. Don't you ever think about things like that?"

"Well yeah, but I'm the chick. It's my job." This caused Alex to smirk as Jo looked at him with wonder, "You really wanna have kids with me?"

"Damn straight."

"So are you thinking now, or next year, or..."

"When the time is right. You at least need to finish your residency," Alex took the beer from her and drank some.

"Residents have babies all the time. Look at Dr. Bailey, she's done really well." Jo countered.

"Bailey's an exception, most don't balance a baby and career that well."

Jo narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you saying I can't handle it? Cause I can handle it. We can handle it," she said as she pointed back and forth between the two of them.

Alex smiled up at her, "I know you can, but why chance it? You're a lock for chief resident when the time comes for your class. Why risk that?"

"Cause I don't care that much about being chief resident," Jo stated simply.

Alex looked at her questioningly, "You really want to have a baby that soon?"

"I'm just saying between family and career I would choose family. I love being a surgeon and I don't want to give that up, but if I needed to I would. Plus making schedules and doing extra paperwork doesn't really appeal to me."

Alex nodded his head in understanding and said with a serious tone, "I just...I want us to be married first and feel a little more settled before we bring kids into the equation." His hand then ventured just inside the hem of her shorts, "Plus I'm not ready to share you just yet."

Jo stared at him dumbfoundly, "Wait, you want to marry me?"

"Of course I do! Why wouldn't I?" Alex asked as his voice rose to a slightly higher pitch.

"I just thought you didn't want to get married again. You told me once you weren't the marrying type." At Alex's confused look Jo added, "When your ex-wife was here you said you wouldn't have married her if she hadn't been sick in part because you weren't the marrying type."

Alex smiled as realization dawned, "I meant at that time I wasn't the type of guy that she or anyone else would have normally married."

"Oh," Jo said as understanding washed over her.

"So, do you want to get married one day, or not?" Alex asked with slight hesitancy.

"Damn straight I do! Do you know how much I would love to officially be part of a family? To legally be tied to someone I love? To actually have a name to give when asked for a next of kin? I've always dreamed of having that."

Alex paused for a second as her words sunk in, "It means that much to you, but you thought I didn't want to ever get married?" At Jo's small nod of affirmation, Alex added, "Why in the world didn't you say something?"

Jo held his face lovingly as he shifted to stand in between her legs, "Because I'd rather have you. I'll take you however I can get you Alex, paper or no paper."

Alex kissed her so hungrily she felt she was being devoured. Their hands roamed each other frantically until Alex started to pull her off the wall to carry her. "What are you doing?" she asked with a small shriek of delight as their hips met and she locked her ankles behind him.

Alex's lips had traveled down her neck and were busy worrying her pulse point as he quickly carried her towards the front door, "Can't give the neighbors a show and we need to practice our baby-making skills."

* * *

Jo stirred slightly and reactively reached for Alex, but was met with nothing but cool sheets. His absence along with the smell of bacon finished waking her. She grabbed one of Alex's shirts off the floor to throw on and skipped down the stairs to find him taking the last pieces of bacon off the griddle. She walked up behind him to loosely wrap her arms around his waist and kissed him between his shoulder blades. "It smells good in here," she said as she grabbed a cooled piece of bacon off the plate.

Alex turned slightly and put his arm around her while leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "You smell good," he murmured into her hair. "Good morning," he said huskily.

"Good morning," she replied smiling brightly at him. "How long have you been up?"

"Awhile," he answered with a smile as he poured eggs onto the griddle. "You were out cold."

"Well that's a first. I guess you wore me out last night," she said in a low voice as she kissed his chest.

"Think of it as warm up for the weekend. That's why I'm cooking up all this protein so dig in," he playfully swatted her bottom before taking the eggs up.

Jo laughed as she took a plate, "You finally gave up your powdery carbohydrates? I'm shocked."

"I didn't say that," Alex pointed out as he gestured to a pink box sitting on the kitchen table. "I grabbed some this morning while you were asleep. We're officially on vacation, that means sugar." Jo laughed as Alex added, "Go ahead, I already had one. And it was freakin' delicious."

Jo smiled brightly as she set her plate down and opened the box to gasp loudly. She rubbed her eyes to make sure she was seeing things right. Wedged into the top of powdered confection was a simple, yet beautiful, diamond solitaire with a white gold band. She turned quickly to Alex, who was walking slowly towards her. "How did you?...When did you?"

Alex smiled at her, "I've had that for a couple of weeks just waiting for the right time. I was planning to do it this weekend, but after yesterday I couldn't wait." Alex gave a half smile as he came to a stop right in front of her. "I'm gonna mess this next part up," he said softly.

Jo smiled brightly, "You won't mess anything up." Alex's smile widened to a huge grin. "But my answer is yes."

Alex smirked, "You don't even know what I was going to ask, if I was going to ask anything."

Jo closed the gap between them and placed her arms loosely around his neck, "Shut up and kiss me dear fiancé." Alex pulled her close and placed the sweetest kiss she had ever experienced on her lips. Jo felt as if every hope she had ever had was being fulfilled through his kiss.

When they finally broke apart Alex cradled her head in his hands and kissed her forehead, "Guess you better start planning then."

"Huh?" Jo choked out still reeling from the proposal and the wonderful kiss.

Alex smirked, "Weddings usually have to be planned ya know." When Jo still didn't respond Alex added, "The place, the day, the dress, the flowers, the food...Why do you look so confused?"

"I've never thought about a wedding," Jo answered softly. At Alex's confused look she added, "I never thought about having a big fancy wedding. I always thought if I got married it would be in someone's backyard or at the courthouse or maybe in a wedding chapel with Elvis officiating." Jo gave a wry smile, "I mean whatever type wedding you want is fine with me, I've just never given it any thought."

Alex looked dumbfounded, "I thought all girls dreamed of a perfect wedding..."

"Well, you got the freak that never did." Jo shrugged her shoulders, "I mean it's not like I would have many people there anyway so it was just hard for me to imagine a wedding. But too, I just...I always wanted a big marriage more than a big wedding if I ever got a chance at either..."

Whatever else she was going to say was silenced by Alex's lips crushing onto hers. He held her tightly in his strong arms as she deepened the kiss and ran her hands through his cropped hair. When they broke the kiss, Alex placed feather light kisses on her cheek as she hugged him tightly. "Wanna run by the courthouse on our way out of town?" he murmured into her ear.

Jo pulled back to look at him, "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, why not? I don't want a big deal either. We're going to the mountains anyway, it can be our honeymoon." Alex finished with a shrug.

Jo narrowed her eyes playfully, "Just when I thought I couldn't love you more you go and pull this crap."

As her eyes filled with tears, Alex reached into the doughnut box to pull out the ring and placed it on her finger. "Let's go get married," he said in a low, husky voice.

Jo was certain neither of them had ever smiled so widely.

**A/N:** So that's it. I didn't want to put that in the notes at the beginning to tip anyone off :) I do have an Epilogue I'm working on that came to me last week, hopefully I'll post that before Grey's returns. I also have an idea for a one-shot that I'm bouncing around and trying to write, so look for that too. Again THANK YOU ALL for being so awesome!


	14. Epilogue

**Author's Notes:** Okay guys here's the end. Like I said at the beginning, this is my first ever attempt at fanfiction of any kind and you guys have really made it very special for me. There will never be enough words for me to express my gratitude for your kindness and encouragement over the past couple of months. I have so enjoyed doing this mostly because of how awesome you guys are and I will always be thankful to you. Big hugs to all!

**Disclaimer:** Nope, still don't own anything.

*********EPILOGUE**********

"Blood pressure and pulse look good," the young nurse stated as she pulled at the Velcro cuff on Jo's arm. "Do you need anything?"

"I'm good, thanks," Jo answered brightly.

"You're sure you don't need anything," Alex clarified worriedly, briefly looking up from their daughter who was asleep in his arms.

Jo laughed slightly, "I'm fine mister overprotective, you can relax now."

"Seriously," added Meredith without looking up from the baby boy she was cradling.

"Shut up, I'm entitled to be a little concerned here since my wife is one of the few women in the entire industrialized world stubborn enough to try a vaginal delivery of twins without drugs."

"Yeah, and I did it didn't I? It's been almost twelve hours Alex. We're all fine; you can unbunch your panties now." Jo said sarcastically.

"So have you two decided on names for these cutie pies yet?" Meredith asked obviously trying to change the subject.

Alex started to speak, but Jo cut him off, "We would have but somebody was unwilling to listen to reason."

"No way in hell am I gonna have a son named Junior," Alex said defiantly.

Before Jo could respond, Meredith's pager chimed. "Well as much as I would love to stay and watch you crazy kids figure this out, I have a bowel impaction to get to. I think this little guy needs a change."

"I'll get it," Jo said as she pulled the covers off of her body and started to stand.

"Dude, you need to rest, I'll get him. Here, hold baby girl." Alex said as he shifted closer to Jo to hand off their daughter and readjust her sheets.

Jo raised an eyebrow in amusement, "Did you just call me dude?"

"Shut up, I'm tired," Alex responded with a smirk as he walked over to Meredith to take his son.

Meredith kissed her friend's cheek as she handed off the sleeping infant, "Be nice to your wife Alex, she's hormonal." Meredith smiled at Jo as she walked out, "I'll be back later to check on you guys."

Jo looked down at her beautiful girl and lightly rubbed the soft skin of the baby's cheek. She looked back at Alex who was concentrating fully on the messy diaper in front of him. He looked so sweet as he made faces and and softly spoke to their son. Alex turned to notice Jo watching him, "What?"

Jo smiled, "Nothing." She looked back at their daughter, "What about Rebecca?"

"For what?"

"Your daughter's name silly. In honor of our first official date." At Alex's blank stare Jo added, "I forgot the money for Becky's piano lesson..."

"How do you remember that?" Alex asked, squinting his eyes in confusion.

"Girls always remember that kinda stuff. So what do you think?"

"No way, I dated someone who's name was Rebecca."

"What about Jeff then?" Jo asked with a wry grin.

"What are you talking about?" Alex said with a slight frown.

"Well if we can't give her a name of someone you've dated that kinda limits us to guy names," she popped off with a cheeky grin.

"Har, Har. I liked your idea of naming them after people who mean something to us." Jo started to speak, but Alex cut her off, "Don't even think of suggesting junior again."

"I wasn't...But you know, for the record, I'm not saying we would actually call him Junior..."

"Jooooo...," Alex started in a warning tone.

"Fine, let's come up with her name first then."

"Okay...What's Mrs. Schmitt's first name?"

"Everlina," Jo said as she started to laugh. "You should see your face!"

"Lena would be okay," Alex said with a look of fear still prominent on his face.

Jo continued to laugh quietly, "It's okay Alex, we can pick someone else. What about Dr. Bailey?"

"We can't do that, Mer and Sheppard already used that name, it would be too confusing."

Jo looked at their daughter thoughtfully as Alex slowly sat down on the bed next to her still holding their son. "She doesn't really look like a Miranda," Jo said with a touch of sadness in her voice.

"You know people used to call her Mandy..."

Jo gasped slightly, "Amanda! It's perfect, doesn't she look like an Amanda?" She held up the baby slightly for Alex to see as if to prove her point.

"Not exactly where I was going with that, but I like it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I really do."

"We'll just explain to her that her name was inspired by Dr. Bailey," Jo offered as her eyes sparkled with mischief. "No Amandas in your little black book?" she teased, softly bumping her shoulder into his.

"I don't think so, at least none I can remember. I can check real quick," Alex offered as he started to stand.

"Alex Karev, if you want to maintain the ability to father children, there better not be a book," Jo said in her best threatening voice, but she couldn't stop smiling long enough to look serious.

Alex grinned back, "Now what about this guy?"

Jo smiled as she looked at their son sound asleep in Alex's arms, "If you're still refusing to give him your name..."

"I am."

"Then you're gonna have to come up with a name," she looked at Alex and smiled slightly. "I don't have any other men in my life to name him after...What about Richard? You're always talking about how much he has helped you through the years."

Alex had looked down and was studying the tiny boy. He slowly shook his head then looked up to meet her gaze and held it, "What about Patrick after the great foster mother you had?"

Jo's eyes welled with tears, "Really?"

"Why not? It's a good name and I feel she is one of the main reasons that you are going to be an incredible mother."

Jo bit her bottom lip slightly to keep it from quivering, "Thank you." Alex slowly closed the gap between them to place a sweet kiss on her lips.

"Are you sure you're okay? The pain's not too bad?" Alex asked with slight worry.

"It's the best kind of pain," she said looking down at their daughter happily. At Alex's pointed stare, she smiled and rubbed his thigh, "I'm fine, just a little sore. Did you get the spare bedroom ready for Mrs. Schmitt and smooth things over with Dr. Yang?"

Alex laughed slightly, "Yeah, the room's all ready and I have my schedule set so I can pick her up from the airport Thursday. And Yang's fine, she just said she won't be back to visit until we get home and you get some rest. What exactly did you say to her?"

"I just let her know that if she referred to my children as the 'spawn of Evil Spawn' again, I would rip her liver out through her nose and fry it up with some Chianti." At Alex's look of disbelief Jo smirked, "What? I'm a mama bear now, Yang doesn't scare me."

Alex chuckled, "I hate I missed that, you really freaked her out."

Jo laughed with him, "I'm sure it won't be the last time. So are you ready to argue about middle names now or do you want to wait?"

Alex leaned over to kiss her cheek and whispered in her ear, "You can pick the names, I'm rather fond of my liver."

Jo slapped at his thigh and laughed merrily with him, "Jerk."


End file.
